


Love is For Souls, Not Bodies

by cecilysmith



Series: Seeing Scarlet [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-10
Updated: 2016-02-21
Packaged: 2018-04-08 15:48:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 20,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4311132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cecilysmith/pseuds/cecilysmith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thanos is coming to Earth, and he's coming for the mind stone. The Avengers are confident they can win. Well, most of the Avengers. Wanda is worried that without the mind stone, Vision will die.<br/>What happens is much, much worse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a sequel to Don't Speak. I suggest you read it, because while it is not strictly necessary, there are some small details that will make much more sense.

"Thor?"

There was the telltale pattern imprinted into the ground, signaling his arrival, but the god was nowhere to be seen. 

"Steven!" Thor replied from behind Steve. 

"Thor, you're back." Stere said.

"I come bearing grave news, friend." Thor announced solemnly. "Heimdall has informed me that soon, Thanos is coming for the mind stone."

When Steve told the others, they sat in frozen shock as it hit them: Thanos was coming to earth.

Sooner or later, it was happening.

With the threat of Thanos looming overhead, the avengers were tense. Now, the only stone he didn't have was the mind stone, and he would stop at nothing to get it.

Wanda pleaded Vision not to fight with them. He could die, or worse. She shuddered to think what would happen if Thanos acquired the mind stone. She was mostly worried about what it would do to _Vision_.

"If I hide, Thanos will find me eventually." Vision argued.

"He's right, Wanda." Steve agreed. "We'd have a better chance of winning with him rather than without."

Wanda felt tears sting her eyes. "If Thanos gets to the mind stone, you'll die." 

"We don't know that." Vision replied. "But Wanda, you must trust me." 

Everyone else seemed to disappear when Vision took her hand. "You... what if something horrible happens to you?"

"Nothing bad will happen, love." Vision whispered. 

"You can't promise that." She retorted, suddenly angry. "You can't guarantee anything! You might not die, but you don't know! Nothing bad should happen, but something bad could happen!"

He closed his eyes and embraced her. "If I die, Wanda, you have to promise me you'll just let me die."

"I can't promise you that." Wanda replied. "I can't let you die."

Sam coughed. "Um, guys." He said. "We're, uh, waiting."

Wanda turned her head to look at Sam. She narrowed her eyes, but Sam just tapped his foot.

"I can't let you die." Wanda whispered before detaching herself from Vision and storming out of the room.

Vision stared after her. He thought he might cry, for the second time in his life.

* * *

 

"I can protect you." Wanda muttered, taking Vision's hand. 

"No, love, for the last time." Vision retorted, sighing. "Take care of yourself."

Wanda was fraught with tension. According to Thor, who had spoken to Heimdall, Thanos was coming any day now. While the others planned and strategized, Wanda was caught up in her own mess. Vision was not safe. Vision, in fact, was in the most danger out of all of them. In the end, it would most likely end up a fight between the two, and Wanda was not prepared for that. She wouldn't let it come to that.

Suddenly, she realized her husband was gone. He'd finished trying to coax her out of her room at the compound, instead leaving her alone with her thoughts, which was infinitely worse.

Wanda got the feeling that the others were very irritated with the way she wa acting; distant, distracted, and not at all focussed on the big picture. She couldn't make them understand that whatever happened, Vision could not die. He couldn't. 

"Wanda?" A voice asked from the other side of the door.

After a pause, she replied, "What?"

Natasha gently opened the door. "You should come help us."

"You're all concentrated on the wrong thing." She retorted, sighing.

The redhead sighed. "I hate to remind you this, Wanda, but our mission is to protect the world, not our team."

Wanda let out a strangled cry. "What I don't think you understand," she whispered, "is that if he dies and Thanos is gone, I am the biggest threat to the people. You might have to put me down next."

The assassin closed her eyes. "It won't come to that, Wanda."

"It might."

"We can beat Thanos." Natasha declared with an air of finality. "We are going to win."

"Don't get cocky, Romanoff." Wanda had perfected her fake smile over the last few weeks. But now, Natasha saw through it immediately.

"Don't lie to yourself, kid." She advised. "Or to me. To anyone on the team. We can help you, just don't hide in your room and follow trails that've gone cold."

* * *

"How'd you get her to come out?" Wanda heard Steve ask Natasha.

"She told me the truth." Wanda answered for Natasha. 

"Wanda." The captain greeted her.

"Rogers." She replied tonelessly.

There was a silence.

"We've devised a strategy." He informed her, then proceeded to explain it. All she got out of it was that they'd listened to her, at least a little bit. Vision was not to fight with Thanos alone. Vision had protested at that, but Wanda quickly shut him up, asking him if he had a death wish.

"And you are to concentrate on Thanos." Steve reminded her. The 'and not Vision' was implied.

"I don't see why I shouldn't help him." She argued. "He is Thanos's number one target. He should not go alone."

"You know, she has a point." Sam piped up. 

"No." Natasha asserted. "We save the world, not ourselves."

Wanda was beginning to suspect that this was something personal for Natasha, though she couldn't fathom what, and wasn't about to ask. What she wanted to say was, 'And what good are we dead?'

But then Wanda realized something.

She'd lulled herself into a false sense of security. She'd convinced herself that she'd built up a family.

And now her family was at stake. Because she'd found herself a family that could die on every mission, a family that was in constant danger.

It could be ripped away from her once again. It'd hurt like hell, like she was torn limb from limb.

And Wanda didn't think that her sanity would outlast Thanos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is sort of short  
> I think that the rest will be longer


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since so far Thanos hasn't demonstrated any powers in the MCU, so I'm going off of what I've read about his powers on Wikipedia. If Wikipedia's anything to go off of, he's pretty powerful.

When the Avengers who'd left after Ultron joined them, there were ten. Ten people who were trying to defeat a giant, purple titan. Well, he was a titan in the loosest sense. 

What chance did ten people, most of them superhuman, but still ten people, have against a giant purple titan? He wore armour and was more powerful than anything they'd ever encountered before. Ultron was a piece of cake compared to this monstrosity.

* * *

"I cannot read him." Wanda reported, narowing her eyes.

"Can you see what his abilities are?" Steve demanded.

"Yes." She replied. "Telekinesis, telepathy. I think matter manipulation. Possibly other things."

"Ugh." Tony groaned. 

"I don't suppose we could just ask him nicely?" Sam muttered sarcastically.

Rhodey scoffed. "If only."

"He's huge." Clint observed.

"Good observation skills, Hawkeye." Tony snorted.

"C'mon, guys." Steve sighed. "Let's go."

Thanos was standing in the streets of New York. He stood almost as tall some of the buildings and cars crumpled under his lumbering feet.

"Shit." Rhodey hissed.

A ball of energy came flying toward Tony. Wanda managed to stop it. Tony growled and flew toward the titan, though Wanda was sure that his lazers would be relatively ineffective against Thanos.

"Your human weapons are useless against me, mortals." Thanos thundered. A wicked smile crossed his face.

"Aim for vulnerable spots." Natasha said. "Face, throat, things like that."

"I think that Wanda and Vision will be the most effective." Steve remarked, dodging a threatening ball of light. Mjolnir crashed into Thanos, throwing him backwards. "And Thor, I guess."

"I am not a mortal, Thanos." Thor muttered. Wanda instinctively glanced around for Vision. He was at a distance from Thanos. Thanos seemed to be greatly affected by the blasts from the mind stone.

She narrowly missed Thano's fist. "Concentrate on Thanos, Wanda! Not Vision!" Steve cried breathlessly. Apparently Thanos was skilled in hand-to-hand combat. Steve was dodging fists and kicks while Wanda did her best to keep Thanos from moving too far. She aimed a ball of energy at his face and he staggered backwards, temporarily blinded. He roared angrily, deftly swinging a well-trained fist at her. She was knocked aside but quickly got back up, narrowing her eyes. 

The fight raged on. Every time one of the Avengers landed a good hit on Thanos, he got back up. He never tired. Wanda herself was exhausted, but if she stopped fighting, Vision was in even more danger. 

She'd completely forgotten that Thanos was telekinetic, but received a grim reminder when he flung a wreck of a car at her. She was pinned under it. She could use her powers to lift it up, but she was bone tired. She wasn't sure she could if she mustered all of her strength. Her chest felt crushed under it.

Suddenly, Vision was there, throwing the car away. "Watch out!" She shrieked. Thanos dived for Vision, but he flew nimbly out of the way. Rhodey shot at his hands, and Thanos bled. He was weakening. 

"Are you alright, Vision?" Wanda asked hoarsely. Her voice was quiet, but she was filled with a renewed energy. Thanos would not lay a hand on her husband if she had a say in it. A burst of energy knocked Thanos back.

"I am alright." Vision whispered. Thanos stood up and Wanda leapt out of the way as he dove toward her. She turned around to see him knock Vision to the ground, and was frozen for only half a moment before something crashed into her. 

"Wanda?" Clint asked. She was too angry to reply. She shoved Thanos back, glancing back for a second to see that Vision was recovered. He was rising again. Thanos stumbled back, so she shakily lifted him into the air, hands shaking with the effort, and threw him into a nearby building. She hurried back to Vision.

"Nice recovery." Natasha remarked. They converged on Thanos before he could gain composure again.

Suddenly, air seemed to ripple, and the others were all knocked back. They seemed unconcious. Everyone except for Wanda and Vision. What did Thanos want with her? She realized that it was most likely the barrier she'd put up around her mind when she found out he was telepathic. She was still thrown far away, though, and she was winded and her limbs felt kind of tingly.

From a distance, she watched Vision battle the titan. Vision flew around Thanos's flurry of blows, getting back up quickly when he was knocked down. Occasionally, Thanos would fling something at Vision, like a chunk of the road or a car. Vision would always deftly deflect them. Wanda could see that Vision was having a difficult time, but she still felt tingly and it was stopping her from moving. 

Thanos advanced on Vision. He telekinetically took hold of the synthezoid, and Vision floundered. She couldn't be sure if he was saying anything, everything sounded like she was hearing it from under water. 

Vision was thrown to the ground, and Wanda struggled to break the hold of whatever Thanos had done to her. When Thanos picked up Vision, she got so angry she broke free accidentally, and woke everyone else up. They seemed immobile. She sped towards the titan, who was cradling Vision with a malevolent look in his eyes. The mind stone was floating above Vision.

Time slowed down.

She saw everything with a renewed clarity. Wanda could see Vision's life force, a golden spark inside of him. When the mind stone was released, a little bit of his essence was set free. No one else could see it, and she panicked. What could she do? So she did what seemed right: she absorbed his life force, merged it with her own. 

She realized that she was frozen. Thanos didn't seem to be moving, either. She was distantly aware that there was a building toppling over behind them, concealing them from the others.

On the other side of the fallen building, Steve demanded, "Can anyone get a visual on Vision?"

"No. What about Wanda?" Natasha reported.

Silence answered the question perfectly.

"Hey, am I really angry, or is the air turning red?" Rhodey said quizzically.

Natasha froze. "Oh no. Fucking hell."

"What?"

Natasha sighed. "You aren't seeing red, Rhodey. You're seeng scarlet."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this at midnight so please point out any errors


	3. Chapter 3

The avengers sat in a half-awed, half-horrified silence. 

Finally, Sam whispered, "She's doing this?"

"Something bad happened to Vision." Steve guessed. "We have to help her."

"I can't move." Clint complained. "Thanos did something weird to us."

"I think Wanda could free us." Tony said. "But she's not coming back."

"She's never coming back." Natasha murmured.

* * *

Wanda was almost oblivious to the cloud of energy she was casting, dying the air around them scarlet.

"Put him down!" She shouted, glaring at Thanos with burning red eyes.

Thanos cackled. "He is dead to you now, foolish girl." Thanos dropped Vision but closed his fist around the mind stone. If she was in her right mind, Wanda might have brought Vision to her, but she wasn't, so she rushed over to him. She hadn't felt her connection with his mind break, so he wasn't dead. 

Their connection was weak. When she reached out to his mind, she couldn't read it. She just felt the life, no matter how faint. "Vision, wake up." She whispered. She knew he wouldn't wake up. "Wake up." Her voice rose to a scream. "Wake up!" She pressed a kiss on his ice cold lips. "You can't leave me, darling. I can't..." Her voice broke.  "I need you." 

Vision did not react. His eyes were open, but the once glowing blue was now dull and dark. She fingered the indent in his forehead where the stone once sat. 

Thanos laughed at her. "You child. You loved him? Love is weakness, girl."

Wanda knew that Thanos was right, but it angered her all the same. Her love for Vision meant something. "You killed him." She hissed and cast an explosion of energy at him. "You killed the man I love!"

Thanos seemed to have created some sort of force field. The red energy dissipated harmlessly.

The voices on the comms, which she had previously been blocking out, blared in her ear.

"Wanda, what's going on?" Steve demanded. "Talk to us. Thanos froze us."

She took a moment to answer. "Thanos has set up a forcefield around himself." She said delicately. If she told them what else happened, it made it true.

"And Vision? The mind stone?" Natasha asked, voice gentle.

A growl fought its way up the back of Wanda's throat. "It's about saving the world, not our team, Romanoff." She spat, cradling Vision. "He won't wake up. He won't wake up." Her voice quieted to an almost inaudible whisper. "He won't wake up."

"What about Thanos?" Natasha tried again, sounding strained.

"He is just standing there, in his force field. He..." She trailed off.

"He what?" Tony demanded.

"He told me the truth." She wiped away the tears that were cascading down her cheeks. "He won't wake up. I can't wake him up."

"Wanda? Can you help us?" Steve asked cautiously. "We can be over there, with you."

"No." She hissed angrily. "You can't help me. You can't help him."

"We can try." Tony spoke up, voice hard with determination. Wanda's eyes widened. "We can get Helen Cho. She can repair him, bring him back to life." Tony said.

"He's not dead." She said with certainty. "He's not dead. He just won't wake up. I can't wake him up."

"Wanda..." Tony's voice broke.

"He's not dead!" She shrieked. "He is not dead! I can still feel his mind there. He's alive."

"Okay, okay." Tony replied.

The line went silent, or perhaps no one knew what to say. She cradled Vision close to her chest. Her tears striped his grimy body. Vision couldn't be dead. He wasn't dead. But he wasn't very alive, either. His body was freezing, and she remembered just the night before when his body was warm and humming with life beneath her. She remembered it all- his smile, his laugh, the way his hands always found hers. She took his hand in hers now, sobbing. He didn't squeeze her hand reassuringly. 

He was gone.

She screamed her throat raw. She was vaguely aware of some rubble- perhaps it was a building?- falling down, and another and another. She was damaging the city. A day before, the idea would have horrified her, but now it was nothing compared to the pain she was experiencing. She heard voices, so she tore out her earpiece. The voices screamed on.

 _Help!_ they shouted. _It hurts_.

Thanos stared at her. "Love is weakness, you child. You would do best to remember it when I reign." And in a blinding burst of light, the titan was gone.

With Thanos gone, the others were mobile again. They scrambled over the rubble to where she was hunched over Vision's body.

"She destroyed the whole street." She distantly heard Tony say. "She did more damage than Thanos."

Wanda did more damage than Thanos? No, that was far from true. "I did more damage than Thanos?" She shouted, voice hoarse. " _He killed Vision!_ " She paused and turned back to Vision. "No, not killed. Not killed. Maybe you won't die. Maybe." She ran her fingers over his familiar textured skin. There was a chance it would never thrum under her hands again, never warm her during the cold nights. "We have to go." She said suddenly. "Call Cho. He will not die, he cannot die."

Wanda carried him back to the quinjet. The ride was silent, apart from her violent sobs. His eyes remained open, grotesquely empty. She couldn't bring herself to close them. She could not be the one to close his eyes for what may very well be the last time. 

She hadn't noticed when they landed, so Natasha had to coax her out of her dazed state. "Wanda," she said softly. "We're back. Come."

She nodded numbly, working on autopilot. She carried Vision inside. He was limp in her arms and she couldn't bear it. The only thing that was worse was letting him go.

"Cho's on her way." Steve informed her. "She said to bring him to the lab." Wanda nodded. She followed Steve, unsure of where to go. Her mind was muddled. All she could think about was the body in her arms. "Wanda, you have to set him down." Steve reminded her.

"I don't want to. I can't." She retorted. 

"If he is going to live, you have to." He urged her. 

She chewed on her bottom lip. "If he's going to live, I have to." She echoed distantly. She finally put him on the bed in the lab. She felt a familiar ripple around her. The air had a a reddish tint once again. At Steve's worried look, she said, "It will be alright."

He shook his head minutely and ducked out of the room.

"It won't be alright." She said to Vision. "I will not be alright."


	4. Chapter 4

"Wanda, you have to go." Natasha commanded. "Helen's here."

Wanda frowned. "Can't I stay with him?"

Natasha shook her head. "Cho doesn't want anyone else in here." So Wanda reluctantly stumbled out of the room, stopping as soon as she was out. She sighed and slid down the wall beside the door, slipping onto the floor. Natasha sat beside her.

"You can go." She croaked as Helen walked by, not giving the two a second glance.

"I'm going to stay." Natasha assured her. "You shouldn't be alone now."

"You can't really do much for me." Wanda pointed out, voice uneven.

"There must be something." Natasha pressed.

Wanda thought for a moment. "Talk." She said simply. Perhaps hearing about Natasha ramble on would distract her for a little.

Natasha cocked her head. "If that's what you want." The assassin inhaled deeply and began. "Last week Maria took me out to Taco Bell. I have no idea why she chose Taco Bell. Neither of us have a particular liking for tacos. But then we got there and we had so much fun and I didn't even eat my taco. On the other hand, there was this little kid screaming the whole time. Never go to Taco Bell, Wanda. And then the next night, Clint told me he was going to Taco Bell and I should go with him..."

It was at that point Wanda fell asleep. Her slumber was disturbed by nightmares. She saw Vision falling from Thanos's grip so many times, she saw his body disintegrated, she saw his life force, the golden spark she'd briefly seen, flicker and go out. Worst of all she saw Vision dying because of her.

Wanda awoke covered in a veil of sweat. She was disoriented- she fell asleep beside Natasha. She fell asleep close to Vision. She sat up, completely alert. She needed to go, to get out of this place, but the door was sealed shut. The walls seemed to be made of vibranium, and they were riddled with huge dents about the size of the Hulk's fist.

A whimper escaped her. She was lost and she didn't know what was happening with Vision. He had to be alright, he had to.

Suddenly, the door opened. Before Wanda could escape, Natasha stepped in and shut the door behind her. Wanda glowered. "So you don't like Taco Bell?"

"You told me to ramble. I prattled on about the Life and Times of Natasha Romanoff." She answered with a shrug.

"Where am I? Why am I here? What happened with Vision?" The questions came pouring out of her. 

Natasha sighed. "This is the room that Bruce goes in when he hulks out."

"Why am I here?" Wanda demanded, more urgent this time. Why was she trapped in the room that was used to cage the Big Green Rage Monster?

Natasha's face betrayed no emotion. "You lashed out when you fell asleep." She informed her. "You were causing damage."

Wanda blanched. "Not here, too. I destroyed the street, I destroyed it all, and now here too?" She narrowed her eyes at Natasha. "I warned you. If Vision- if something happens to him, I might be the Avengers' next conquest."

"We'd never hurt you, Wanda." Natasha assured her strainedly. 

"But you had to cage me." She countered. "You had to keep everyone safe from me."

"Damn it, Wanda, will you just shut up with your self deprecation? We'd never harm you and that's the end of it. Now if you want out, you're going to show me that you are ignoring your self destructive tendencies." Natasha snapped.

Wanda crossed her arms. "How?"

"Calm down."

"How the hell am I supposed to calm down?" She hissed, pacing. "Vision's out there and I'm in here because I was damaging everything. I can't calm down, Romanoff."

"Come on." Natasha finally said, opening the door. She led Wanda back to the room where Vision lay. The door remained closed. Humming noises emanated from behind the door. "Now sit here, wallow in self-pity as much as you want, but don't fall asleep." Natasha said harshly.

Wanda thought that Natasha was being unnecessarily harsh, but she realized that Natasha's tactics would have been inneffective if she'd said them gently. Natasha wasn't one for kindness if it was better another way.

Wanda tried to listen to the whirring and humming to attempt to figure out what was hapening inside. She got nothing. Her only other option was reading Cho's mind, something she really didn't want to do.

Soft footsteps awakeed her from her reverie. "Wanda?" Bruce asked softly.

She apprehended him and concluded that he had good intentions. "Yeah?" She muttered.

"I... I heard what happened." He said. "I know what that's like. To have to be locked away for your friends to be safe... It hurts."

She gulped. "It hurts." She echoed, eyes flicking towards the doorway beside her. It seemed like no matter what she did, her thoughts always redirected to Vision.

He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. "If you ever need to talk about it, uh, I'm here. And if you need anger management..." He trailed off and she nodded. She doubted she'd ever go to him. She doubted she'd ever talk to anyone about this ordeal.

The hours drifted by and Wanda was only half-concious. In a world of pain, she didn't much care about not falling asleep. It seemed like such a small problem compared to Vision when she thought about it, and she had a long time to think. 

The more she thought, the more she remembered. She remembered moments at first- when he smiled at her, when he went out of his way to hold open doors for her, then it turned to everything else. She recalled his arms around her, his lips on hers, their bodies sliding against each other. She remembered when his fingers brushed through her hair, pleasantly tickling her scalp.

She missed him more than she thought possible. After Pietro died, Vision had been her anchor. Who would help her now? Who  would be there to catch her when she inevitably fell?

She sobbed silently. Soon, she found herself dry heaving. She just wanted it to be over already, she wanted to know whether he lived or died.

Finally, Helen emerged. Wanda almost leapt up to meether, but the geneticist just slumped down beside her. The look on her face firightened Wanda. 

"Is he dead?" She demanded, staring at Cho with such an intensity that Helen inched backwards.

"Worse." Helen sighed. 

"What?" Wanda frowned and followed the other woman inside. Cho stood bad while Wanda approached Vision's still figure. He was sitting up but unmoving. "Vision?" She whispered, positioning herself beside him. 

He turned to her. His eyes, once filled with emotion, were bright but blank. "Have we met, miss?'


	5. Chapter 5

**Five Days Later**

Wanda hadn't spoken, eaten, or slept since stumbling painfully out of the lab. She understood what Cho meant when she said 'worse than death'. It'd be easier to have him dead than walking around, completely alive, with no memory of her whatsoever. She hadn't moved from her position curled up in some empty hallway. She couldn't risk walking around and seeing him, and empty shell of his former self, an echo of the marvel that was Vision.

Soft feet padded down the hallway. She looked up to see Natasha approaching her. The assassin sat cross legged beside her with wide eyes.

"Two months." Wanda said, voice hoarse an broken from misuse.

"Two months what?" Natasha asked emotionlessly. Her face was twisted with sadness.

"Two months ago Vision cried on my shoulder. He was sad- terrified because he was immortal. He didn't want to live without his friends- without... me." Wanda felt like crying, but she was thoroughly dehydrated. She'd had almost nothing to drink and definitely hadn't eaten anything. "He won't have to live with it now." She muttered, then her voice rose as she shouted, " _But_ _I_ _do_!"

Natasha bit her lip. "I'm sorry, Wanda." She said. "I said that it was about the world, not our team, but now look what's happened." 

"Don't blame yourself." Wanda hissed. "Don't make it worse than it already is."

"I came to see you for a reason." Natasha informed her after a silence.

Wanda laughed hollowly. "So you weren't looking for the pleasure of my company?" She said drily, gulping.

"There's a press conference." Natasha blurted out. "They want you to be there, but we know you probably don't want to talk to the public."

Wanda's shoulders shook in a silent sob. "I just want to die, Natasha. I don't want to go to this goddamn press conference, I don't want to go anywhere, I don't want to go on." She closed her eyes. "But I will go. I'm... I have to."

"You don't have to." Natasha retorted. "You shouldn't go."

"I'm going." Wanda said resolutely.

Natasha sighed. "Vision will not be going. He doesn't know what happened, anyway."

Wanda collapsed back onto the floor. Natasha's words stung more than any wound she'd received in battle. 

"You should get cleaned up." Natasha suggested. "Eat a little."

"I don't want to." She muttered. "I'm so tired, Natasha. It hurts. Everything hurts."

"When was the last time you slept?" Natasha demanded suddenly.

Wanda blinked. "When Cho was working on Vision. When I attacked you all."

"Sleep, you dumbass! You're going to die." Natasha snapped, pulling Wanda into a standing position.

"Isn't that the point?" Wanda murmured. She followed Natasha, not much paying attention to their surroundings. They walked by the common room, where Natasha stopped her. The others filed out. Everyone except for Vision.

"You look awful." Sam stated bluntly. Steve elbowed him. 

"Heaven compared to what I feel like." She retorted. She wasn't in the mood to talk. At all.

"Are you okay?" Rhodey asked awkwardly. Wanda just stared at him, only looking away when Natasha pulled her away again. She felt like she was drifting, not fully concious. She had a rude awakening when Natasha pulled her abruptly to the side, twisting her arm a little. She glanced back for a moment and saw nothing but a spot of yellow-gold. It was a very, very familiar colour, one she'd once been comforted by. Now, the colour of Vision's cape was a grim reminder of all she'd lost.

"Have a shower." Natasha said. She was guiding Wanda to a place she'd never been before. 

"Where are we?" Wanda asked distractedly. This place was huge. There was a huge wardrobe in one corner, beside a television. Bookshelves lined the walls and a king-sized bed sat in the middle. On the bed, there was Maria Hill. 

"Welcome to Casa Romanoff." Natasha said.

"Hill!" Maria cried. "Hi, Wanda."

"Hi, Maria." Wanda greeted the other woman. Natasha showed her to the huge bathroom. Wanda closed the door after Natasha exited and stripped off the clothes she'd been wearing for six days. It was a familiar outfit, lust like the one she'ld worn during the Ultron incident. A black dress and red jacket. Vision had always loved it, she reminisced as she kicked off her boots and tore off her necklaces, each ripped from her throat more forcefully than the last. She shook off her rings and bracelets.

She saw the water turn brown with grime. The soap felt good under the ice-cold stream of water. She gave her hair a much-needed wash. She stood under the stream for a long time, letting her salty tears blend with the freezing shower water. When she stepped out, her eyes were red and puffy. She found a soft, fluffy towel and pajamas waiting for her. She dried off and slipped them on, relishing the warmth. Outside of the huge bathroom, Natasha and Maria were waiting for her.

"C'm'ere." Natasha beckoned her to where the two were seated on the edge of the bed. Wanda reluctantly sat between them. Maria took one look at her and said, "I'm getting food and water."

"Am I that bad?" Wanda wondered.

"Did you look at yourself?" Natasha asked.

"I did everything I could to avoid it." 

Natasha nodded understandingly and led her to the huge bathroom once again, nodding at the mirrors.

Wanda was horrified at herself. Her eyes were red and swollen and tears stained her cheeks. Her eyes were haunted and full of pain but at the same time, completely empty. Her face was gaunt and her bones stuck out, giving her a skeletal appearance. She was suddenly reminded of the days when she and Pietro were on the streets, almost never having enough to eat.

Pietro. The thought struck her her hard. She'd lost everyone.

Natasha guided her back to the bed, where Maria had taken a pile of food. At the couple's insistence, she sipped a cup of water. "I've lost my whole family." She whispered.

Natasha deliberated her reply. "You can come back from this, Wanda. You're strong."

Maria, unexpectedly, spoke up. "I can't imagine what you're going through, Wanda. We've all seen what he means to you. You lost the most important person in your life, and it's killing you. But the more you torture youself like this, the worse it'll get."

Wanda knew that Maria was right, but she also knew that if she let herself go, she'd also be letting him go. "I can't let go of him." She said. "I can't."

"I know." Natasha replied. "I know." 

Natasha let Wanda stay with them for the rest of the day, and the following night.

"You take the bed." Natasha urged.

"But you two can't- no." Wanda argued tiredly.

"You haven't slept in six days, Wanda. And anyway, we can fit on a couch." Natasha retorted.

"If you say so." Wanda sighed, climbing onto the huge bed. Natasha nodded and Wanda climbed underneath the covers, reveling in the warmth. It wasn't hard to fall asleep. As her eyes fluttered closed, all she could think about was why she hadn't wanted to sleep the previous five nights.

* * *

"Wanda, wake up!" Natasha cried, putting a gentle hand on her arm. Wanda gasped and sat up, back ramrod straight. She was coated in sweat and her throat felt raw.

"I didn't want to sleep." She whispered, kicking off the blankets.  "I saw it all." Natasha didn't have to ask.

"Do you want anything?"

Wanda shook her head. "No." She paused, then asked, "Why are you doing this?"

"So you're not alone." Natasha said simply.

Wanda lay back down. As Natasha padded back to the couch, Wanda whispered, "I'm always alone." 


	6. Chapter 6

Wanda had completely forgotten the chaos of a press conference.

She should have backed out. Natasha wanted her to, after all.

But it was too late now.

It was noisy and crowded and Wanda was tired and cold. The throng of people stretched out before them, all clutching their microphones, phones, and notebooks, each one eager to suck the information out of them. She suddenly recalled that she and Vision used to call them vampires.

She'd have to talk about Vision. The people would wonder why he wasn't there, and they would probably ask her. Because she and Vision were married and of _course_ she'd just love to talk about him. But the vampires had no idea that Vision lost his memory, and she wanted it to stay that way. 

Steve picked a random person in the crowd.

"Did the alien, Thanos, come specifically for the Avengers?" The reporter asked.

"Yes." Steve answered reluctantly. "Thanos came for us." Wanda noted with gratitude that he didn't say Vision.

The reporter scribbed furiously in her notebook. "So while the Avengers saved us from this invasion, one might say they also caused it?" Wanda scoffed, but luckily no one heard. They hadn't really saved anyone. He won and left because he got his prize.

Tony spoke up. "Thanos came for an artefact that we were in possession of. It was safe in our hands, probably safer than anywhere else."

"What artefact was that?" The reporter demanded. "Does it have anything to do with the Vision's absence?" Wanda flinched at the name.

"It was an alien artefact." Tony answered, completely ignoring the question about Vision. "Next!" He pointed at a random one.

"Mrs Maximoff," he began. Wanda blanched. "I think that we are all curious about the notable absnece of the Vision. There was soe footage of him and Thanos fighting. Is he alive?"

Wanda took a shaky breath. "He is alive and well." She replied. It wasn't a lie. He was physically healthy, and to his knowledge, mentally.

"Then why isn't he here?" The reporter pressed. "You said he was well."

Wanda blinked. "I suppose I did." She said distractedly. Her friends were staring at her, but she had nothing else to say.

"Next." Steve said, rather harshly. Wanda wasn't much paying attention to the rest, answering simple questions and ignoring the ones that hurt too much to talk about. Eventually, every question led back to the Vision, and in turn, her.

"Mrs Maximoff-" Wanda stopped listening. If someone called her 'Mrs Maximoff' one more time she was leaving this goddamn building.

"The Vision is alive and well." Wanda hadn't heard what the question was, but it was probably the same as all the others she'd heard judging by Natasha's cold voice. "We've said that many, many times."

"But you haven't explained his absence-"

"We have fucking lives!" Natasha shouted. Wanda couldn't remember the last time Natasha had lost her temper. "You're right, something happened to him! She's grieving, we're grieving, but he is fine! It's not some goddamn romantic tragedy! He's fucking fine, so you can shut the fuck up because right now, I'm on the verge of strangling each and every one of you." She paused and took a deep breath. "The Vision is alive and well." She breathed. "Leave it." Her tone dared anyone to challenge her.

No one did.

"Was the destruction of the street Thanos' doing?" One asked, sounding doubtful.

Before anyone could say anything, Natasha cut in. "Yes." Wanda frowned but said nothing.

When it was over, Wanda sighed. "I shouldn't have gone. You shouldn't have said that."

Natasha nodded in agreement. "I'm gonna go see Maria, do you want to come?"

"I don't mean to intrude." Wanda said with a small voice.

Natasha rolled her eyes. "Come on."

Maria was waiting in the suite. The TV was still on and she was glowering. "Natasha, what the hell was that."

Natasha flopped onto the king-sized bed. "I got angry. I lost my temper. They were being dickwads." Natasha sighed. "Look at her." She said, gesturing to Wanda. "She's white as a sheet."

"That's because she's barely eaten for a week." Maria pointed out. "Are you alright, Wanda?"

Wanda shook her head. "No. What else is new." Her voice was bland, devoid of emotion.

Maria nodded sympathetically. "You want anything?"

"Water might be nice." Wanda said gratefully. Suddenly, Natasha's phone rang.

"Hello?" The voice on the other end was too quiet to hear. "Yeah. she's here. Why?......Oh......That's not good, uh......okay." She ended the call with a gusty sigh. Maria returned with water and Natasha whispered something in her ear, presumably explaining the call.

"What is it?" Wanda asked desperately. 

Natasha bit her lip. "I. Um. Vision watched the conference." Wanda paled. "You okay, Wanda? You're looking green."

"Not okay." Wanda choked out, closing her eyes. She didn't want Vision to find out about his past relationship with her. It would hurt her even more than it did now, and knowing Vision, he'd beat himself up over it constantly.

Perhaps the Vision she knew was gone.

"Wanda?" Natasha distracted her from her thoughts.

"Mmm?"

"What will you do when Vision finds out?" At Wanda's dismayed look, she added, "It's inevitable that he will."

"I don't know." Wanda whispered. "I... I can't be around him. If he's the man I once knew, he will torture himself every time he thinks of me. He just wants to fit in, Natasha." Her voice grew louder and feverish. "He will always think bad of himself because he will never live up to who he used to be." She quieted. "Never will he be the one I loved."

"Never?" Natasha echoed softly.

"Don't you know, Natasha? Love is for souls, not bodies." Wanda looked away, crushing her empty glass in her hand. The shards dug into her palms, staining the sharp edges crimson.

"I thought he was a person." Natasha's voice was hesitant, confused.

"He used to a person. The mind stone made him that. It gave him a soul, and now it's gone, and he is a shadow of his former self." Wanda hissed, gripping the glass pieces tighter.

"You haven't seen him." Natasha pointed out.

"I saw him when he first awoke." Wanda shot back. "He was newborn, untouched by anyone at all. His true self." Her power flared and the glass shattered to sand in her palm. The grains fell into her wounds and she relished the pain, relieved at the distraction, no matter how brief. "He was empty, Natasha. He knew nothing and he never will." She stood up. "He's gone!" Natasha stared at her seriously, and it was then that she realized that the air was dyed red around her. "I'm sorry." Wanda whispered, retracting her powers. It was hard to take in all of her emotion, keep all of the energy inside her. It hurt.

"Let's get your hand cleaned up, okay?" Natasha said gently, putting her hand on Wanda's shoulder. 

"Let's." Wanda's voice was hollow. She wished that it would all just go away. Everything. She just wanted it gone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooh this one was fun to write. next chapter I'll start tonight, though I can't promise when it'll be posted. 
> 
> thank you to everyone who commented, kudos'd, etc. I love writing this and I'm glad you like reading.


	7. Chapter 7

Wanda, against Natasha's will, wanted to return to her house.

"You shouldn't." The assassin warned. "It won't be good for you."

"I'm going." Wanda said resolutely.

"Then we're coming." Maria said.

"Fine by me." Wanda's voice was quiet. "When?"

"Tomorrow." Natasha said before Maria could answer. "But Wanda, I think you should go out."

" _Out_ out?" Wanda clarified skeptically.

"No, out as in the common room, or the kitchen. Be around others." Natasha replied.

"But what if he's there?" They all knew who Wanda meant.

"You'll have to face him at some point." Maria pointed out, not unkindly.

"I can put it off." Wanda sniffed.

"Doesn't mean you should." Natasha said with an air of finality. "C'mon, we're going."

The common room was full. There was some boring TV show on; no one was really watching it. They were all staring at the screen but their eyes were blank, and it hit Wanda that she was forgetting their problems. They'd lost to Thanos, they lost the stone and he was coming back. They'd also lost their friend. 

Vision was probably sitting somewhere, alone, staring out a window. He used to do that in the first few days after Ultron. He didn't know how to talk to the others and the others had no idea what to say to him. She almost smiled at the memory. 

Wanda realized that she'd also been ignoring Natasha's issues. Natasha was grieving, too, and she'd dedicated her time to helping Wanda. She bit her lip, finding herself groping in empty air for Vision's hand. It was a habit and she'd do everything she could to stop it because she could do without another reminder of him.

"Hi." Steve greeted them dully.

"Hi." Wanda whispered. Some of them were tired and grimy. It reminded her of their state after helping clean up Ultronls damage.

That's probably what they were doing.

Cleaning up the whole street that _she_ destroyed.

It was too much. She turned and ran, not looking where she was going. Her feet hit the ground forcefully, jarring her with each step. She stopped in a random room, breathing heavily. It was an inconspicuous room. It was completely empty with gray walls. She realized with a start it was one of the simulators from training. Crashing noises came from somewhere close and her feet led her to the observation room for the simulators. Vision was there furiously fighting Ultron's droids. His movements were so familiar to her. 

She watched him with fascination. He could still fly after the stone, and he stil had his amazing strength. Really, the only thing mssing was the blasts from the mind stone. 

He was beginning to struggle. The droids were overtaking him, and without her own volition, Wanda stepped into the simulation with him, recollecting when they used to fight side by side. She knew his fighting style as well as her own. She battled off the droids.

The memories came back, but she was savouring these moments with him. It was like before. Nothing nattered in the heat of the fight, just that they won, and they were winning. 

The memories got worse.

She remembered being swept off her feet and kissed in the melee. She could remember his strong arm encircling her, the joyful juxtaposition of thier serene kiss and the fire of battle.

Wanda fell. The Vision was there in a moment to catch her. She peered up at him, taking in his empty blue eyes.

"I am sorry." Vision said at the same time she said, "I'm sorry." She pushed him away suddenly, running from the simulation, running from him.

"I'm sorry." She muttered to herself. "I'm sorry."

She blacked out, or she thought she did. When she came to, she was at the other side of the compound. She recognized it immediately as the others' living quarters. Well, where they used to live. Most of them lived away from the compound now.

Steve's old room had torn, yellowed newspaper clippings about Captain America and Sergeant James Barnes. There were drawings and comic books. She wondered why he hadn't taken anything with him.

She didn't look into the rest of the rooms for fear of invading their personal space. One room was empty and colourless. Like no one had ever stayed in it. But she knew that someone had lived in it.

She'd slept here many a time.

There was a golden cape on the floor. She picked it up and buried her face in it. It smelled of Vision. She cried into it, finally letting it all out. Mangled sobs escaped her throat and hoarse howls. She screamed and screamed and screamed.

Suddenly, she heard a voice. She turned to the door.

"Are you alright, Miss Maximoff?" A familiar british voice asked. 


	8. Chapter 8

She froze. "Quite." She finally muttered. "Quite alright. I'll be going now." She hurried toward the door, but he blocked her path.

"Miss Maximoff, there is something I've been meaning to talk to you about." He began. She expected she knew what he was going to speak to her about, and she didn't want it.

"I should really go." She said, more forcefully, but Vision put a hand on her arm gently, immobilizing her. His touch was oddly comforting, but at the same time it almost brought on another fit of sobs.

"It's very important." He explained. "You'll want to know." 

She stared at him. "How do you know?" His hand was still on her arm, something that she was acutely aware of.

He blinked. Perhaps he was nervous, because he made a habit of blinking a lot when he was nervous. Before, at least. "It's..." he trailed off. Yes, he was clearly nervous. 

"Spit it out." She said savagely. The burst of harshness was a surprise to them both.

He swallowed. "I don't know if you are aware, but I can see people's soul. Their essence, if you will. And I've noticed something rather curious about yours." She bit her lip. What if something was wrong with her? Had she been damaged that much? He seemed to read her thoughts. "There's nothing wrong with it, per se. But it's rather peculiar. You don't have just one."

She blinked, unable to comprehend. "I have... more than one... essence in me?"

He nodded reluctantly. "Two seem to belong to you."

"Two?" She echoed. "Do you mean to say there are more?"

He nodded again, blue eyes morose. "I suppose you might not like this news, in the light of your situation." He said awkwardly. "There are two more." His hand moved from her arm to her abdomen. "Here." His voice was soft.

"What," she said, because it couldn't be true, it couldn't.

His empty eyes were filled with sadness for a moment. "Miss Maximoff, I'm afraid you are with child."

She couldn't move. "Two?" She couldn't hear herself speak, but Vision seemed to comrehend. "Twins?"

"Twins." He confirmed. 

"I have to go." She whispered abruptly. She wove around him and ran blindly, unaware of her surroundings. She ran until she hit someone. Luckily, it was Natasha. 

"Where were you?" Natasha demanded. "I saw you leave the training room, but after that..." Natasha trailed off, finally noticing her expression.

Wanda didn't want to tell Natasha what Vision told her. That'd make it real. "Get Maria. We're going to to the house. Now." She was unsure of why she decided this. It would hurt all the more, but she had to go. There were so many memories trapped there, and she'd just surround herself with them, and as a result, more pain. 

"Why?" Natasha asked.

"Just go." Wanda snapped, eye twitching. Natasha reluctantly obliged. When Maria joined them, the woman asked, "Are you alright, Wanda?" It reminded her of Vision asking, 'Miss Maximoff, are you alright?' in the same voice that had delivered the news that only months ago she'd have rejoiced at.

"Let's go." Was all she said. She wouldn't answer Maria's simple question. If she did, everything would come spilling out and she didn't want them to know, didn't want to hear herself say it. She let herself be led to a car where Natasha drove. The ride was silent and tense. Wanda's muscles were rigid and her face taut and expressionless. She lost track of time, but was torn from her reverie when Natasha opened the car door.

"Wanda?" Maria said uncertainly. 

"I'm coming." She muttered brusquely, throwing open the door. After she stepped out, she slammed it shut and stormed toward the house. Her hands were at her sides, sweaty and curled into fists. She heard Maria whisper to Natasha, "Something's wrong, Nat." Something _was_ wrong. 

She didn't know what she wanted to do in the house, but it became pretty clear when she flung open the door with her powers. It flew off its hinges and over the porch bannister, landing beside Natasha and Maria. They only walked faster, hoping to avert whatever disaster was coming. 

Inside, the house was just as she and Vision'd left it, pristine. Now, the place was already gathering dust. The first thing she hit was the kitchen. She tore that goddamn singing microwave right from the wall and caved in the oven. With every thing she destroyed, along with it went a memory. Leaning on him as he cooked, being awoken in the middle of the night by the microwave's song, back pressed against the marble counters as he kissed her...

"Wanda!" She vaguely heard Natasha's shout. She ignored it. 

She gutted the couch next. Stuffing rained down, coating the ground. She punched a hole through the television with her bare fist, barely noticing the blood staining her hand. She realized that she'd probably reopened the wounds from the glass.

She went upstairs but touched nothing. She wandered into the empty room Tony had put in for if they ever had kids. She laughed bitterly. It seemed like a sick joke. Her laughter didn't cease, only grew louder. She stopped laughing when she entered their bedroom, filled with photos and memories. The only mark she left was footprints in the dust.

"I'm going insane." She hissed. She'd just destroyed half of her home, it was the only explanation. Natasha finally entered the room, followed closely by Maria. 

"Why?" Natasha asked quietly. "You were starting to do better, Wanda. What happened?"

Wanda swallowed. At first, the only thing she did was curl up under the fluffy blankets of her bed. Then, she finally said, "Vision can see people's life forces."

Natasha blinked. "What."

"He can see mine." She explained. She sat up, tossing away the blankets. She placed a hand on her stomach. "He can see _theirs_."

It took Natasha a moment to catch on, but Maria was quicker. "Oh, Wanda..." she said softly.

"How?" Natasha asked, half-curious, half-dreading. "I thought you and him couldn't..."

She laughed weakly. "We couldn't. But he's not the only one who can see people's essences." She paused. "Well, I could. I did." She took a moment to find the right words. "When I was fighting Thanos, when you were all frozen, when Thanos took the stone, some of Vision's essence, it... it left him. It escaped him. It was just there, lost, but I couldn't bear to see what I thought was the last of his existence to just die, so I took it in me. I... absorbed it, you could say." She breathed heavily.

Natasha pursed her lips. "Is that possible?" 

Wanda scoffed. "What, are you suggesting I had someone else? It's the only explanation."

"Are you sure Vision was... telling the truth?"

"Why would he lie?"

Natasha nodded, conceding. "Will you... will you keep it?"

"It?" Wanda echoed confusedly. "It's them. It's twins."

"Christ, could this get any worse?" Maria muttered.

"And of course I'm keeping them." Wanda snapped. "They are my children. Vision's children. They're all I have left of him."

Natasha sighed. "I suppose you're right. I'm guessing you'll paint the walls red?" She said wryly.

"I will paint the walls with Thanos's blood." Wanda muttered, low enough that the other two women couldn't hear. Louder, she said, "Red. Blood red."


	9. Chapter 9

** One Month Later **

"You alright, Wanda?" Steve asked. They were training harder than ever before. Steve was constantly paranoid about Thanos, and while Wanda was too, she'd rather not train. Other than Natasha and Vision, the Avengers had no idea she was pregnant.

 _Pregnant_. The word almost brought bile up her throat.

"I'm fine." She snapped. Truthfully, she was always tired. She tried her hardest to not let it show, but her fatigue was glaringly obvious.

"Are you sure?" Steve pressed. Most likely, the others thought it was something to do with her mental state, and she was sure that was part of it.

After training, Natasha approached her. "You should tell them." She urged. "You should get out of training, take some time of. For you," Natasha said, then gestured toward Wanda's abdomen, "and for them."

"I can't!" She retorted. "What else will I do all day?"

Natasha shrugged. "I'll talk with Maria, maybe?" She sounded doubtful.

"No, no." Wanda muttered, waving the redhead away. "That won't be necessary."

Natasha sighed, looking Wanda in the eyes. "I know you won't do anything you don't want to, and you don't have to. But it will be good for your health if you just stopped, and it might be a relief to get it out. Besides, if you keep it from them for long enough, they'll find out when it starts to show."

"I won't tell them unless I have to." Wanda said stubbornly, turning away. She wasn't sure why she was keeping it from her friends; they'd all understand. The one person she would truly want to keep it from was the one who told her, so there was no point at all. 

After Natasha talked to her, she realized it would be better for her children's health, and her own, if she did less strenuous excercise. But then she'd have to tell them what was going on, and she didn't want to tell them.

Wanda locked herself away in Natasha and Maria's room. The couple didn't seem to mind, and they were rarely there during the day anyway. She was reading a book, something she'd been doing a lot more of to distract herself. She liked horror novels; Stephen King was her favourite author. She was re-reading _It_ when there came a knock at the door. She opened it and sat back on the bed, not even looking up from the book. It was always either Maria or Natasha, and that's what she always did.

"Um." someone said, someone that wasn't Maria or Natasha. Wanda looked up to see Tony.

"Hi?" She greeted him, folding down the corner of her page. Natasha appeared behind him.

"Listen, Wanda, I know this is an awful time for you," Tony said uncertainly, "but I need to ask a favour."

Wanda couldn't fathom what Tony needed from her. She nodded, telling him to go on.

"Well, this is just temporary, really." He said quickly. "But the public, they're angry at us. They say that we brought Thanos to them, and they want us farther away. We- I mean, Pepper'll take care of it. But for the time being, I know you might not want to go back, but canwemaybestayatyourhouseforafewweeks?"

Wanda blinked, taking a few moments to process his question. Natasha answered for her. "It's not a good idea, Tony." She warned. Wanda suddenly remembered how she had destroyed the first floor in her blind rage. "Yeah, bad idea." She echoed distantly.

"Please." Tony begged. "We can't go to the Bartons, they might find out about his family." He pointed out. "Your place is the simplest solution."

"Do you need to see why you can't go?" Natasha hissed.

Wanda shrugged. "They could, I guess." Every word hurt. She didn't want them at her and Vision's house, didn't want to go back, didn't want Vision there. "Just need to clean up a bit." Natasha sent her a warning look, but Wanda ignored it.

"Alright." Tony said skeptically. "Thanks." As he left, the two women heard him muttering, "Can't be too messy, can it?"

"We're cleaning?" Natasha demanded.

Wanda shook her head. "They are. I'd rather drown in the freezing waters of the arctic than go back."

"You have to." Natasha said. "You need to stay with us."

Wanda jerked away suddenly. "I don't." She said vehemently. What if she just left them behind? All of it?

"Yes, you do." Natasha insisted. "Whether you admit it or not, you'd probably die without us. You'd forget to eat and refuse to sleep and there would be no one to stop you from succumbing to your death wish."

"Ugh." Wanda grunted, reopening her book. Natasha's phone rang.

"Tony?.....Wait, what?......we're going _now_?" Wanda only heard the tail end of the short conversation.

"Now?" She repeated, chewing on her bottom lip. "If they go now, I'll go... later. I needn't see their reactions."

Natasha nodded. "I'll stay with you." She said immediately.

"No, no, you have to be there. They'll suspect something if you let them think." Wanda protested, slamming the book shut. "I don't want to tell them."

"I'll go, then." Natasha sighed. "But Maria's gonna be here and she'll take you there when I tell her to."

"Okay." Wanda relented. Her hands were beginning to shake and she let Natasha comfort her as a wave of panic overtook her. It was happening often now, and Wanda hated it.

* * *

Tony was muttering to himself, Vision heard. "Looks fine," he murmured, "can't be that bad." Then, a few moments later, "I worked hard on this. Better be fine."

Vision wondered if whatever 'mess' was inside was the reason that Wanda had decided to come a few hours later than everyone else. Her every action puzzled him, if he was honest. There was some secret that everyone was keeping from him, and Wanda was in the centre of it. He respected her privacy and didn't object it when she avoided him, no matter how much he yearned to know _why_.

Vision realized he'd fallen behind everyone, lost in thought. There were a few gasps, and he understood why when he entered the home.

"What happened?" Sam whispered, horrified.

"What..." Steve mumbled, staring around. "She's been distracted." He said suddenly. "More than usual. What happened, Tasha?" All eyes turned to Natasha, who sighed sadly.

"What happened? She _lost her soul mate, you idiots_." Natasha sounded defensive, ad she winced at her own tone. Vision blinked. Lost her soul mate? Perhaps that was why she always twisted the ring on her finger. 

"Something else." Tony said immediately. "Look at the dust. It's a newer thing."

"Okay, Sherlock." Natasha shot back. "Not my secret to tell." Vision realized what was being kept from them. Had his telling Wanda of her pregnancy provoked this reaction? Was she angry at the world, or angry at him? He was filled with questions that he doubted he'd ever get the answer to.

"Hmm." Steve mumbled. "C'mon, let's get to work."

"Oh, you try bending the oven back into its original shape." Sam muttered to himself. 

Hwile the others attempted to make a dent in the catastrophic first floor, Vision announced, "I'm going to see upstairs." No one heard him, but he supposed they didn't need to. He walked up the stairs and started with the first room on the left, the master bedroom. The first thing he noticed was the king-sized bed, fluffy covers unkempt. Then, he noticed the photographs dotting the walls.

"What..." He heard himself whispering, because most of the photographs were of Wanda and _him_. In some they were kissing, some they were laughing together, and there were photos of their wedding. He took one down and stared at it, half amazed and half horrified. It was of he and Wanda, her in pajamas and him in socks. They were dancing and she had a look of unadulterated happiness on her face. He couldn't remember ever seeing her this happy before. He didn't think she'd smiled since Thanos.

Vision hated it. 

 _He_ was the one causing her this pain. If he could just remember, then she'd be alright. She could smile like this again. Vision was on the side of life, and he surely was destroying hers.

Suddenly, someone burst into the room. In surprise, he dropped the photo in its frame, cracking it.

"Vision." Natasha whispered. "You shouldn't be here." She dropped to the ground and picked up the frame, inspecting the broken glass. "She won't be happy about it. She didn't want you to know."

"I wish I didn't." He whispered, staring at his hands as if he was still holding the photo.

Natasha had no idea what to do. She could tell him that Wanda kept it from him partly because she knew it would hurt him, but Wanda also didn't want Vision to think about her at all. She supposed it was inevitable now. "She knew you'd react this way."

"She knew me." Vision muttered. "She knows me. I don't know her."

Natasha's anger suddenly flared. "Don't make this worse than it is!" She shouted. "Don't make her any worse! She was doing so well." Natasha clutched the frame tightly. "Just, make it seem like you don't care."

"I can't do that." Vision replied strainedly. "She knows."

"I know." Natasha pursed her lips. "I wish something good would happen."

Vision couldn't remember what Natasha was like before Thanos, but he got the feeling that this was very out of character for her. He also got a feeling that caring for Wanda was taking a huge toll on this woman.

Vision should've done better.

He wasn't sure exactly what he did wrong, but all of this came back to him. If only he'd just done better, then this whole mess would've never happened.

"She'll need to come here eventually." Natasha pointed out. "I don't see the point of putting it off any longer. There's nothing we can do now." She paused. "Vision, just... don't come back here."

Vision didn't want to come back to this room ever again. He now knew the weight of everything, and he never wanted to see the bed he and Wanda had probably spent countless nights in, the walls they'd stared at, the place they called home. It didn't even matter that he couldn't remember this, he just wanted Wanda to be alright. 

* * *

"Natasha." Wanda said as soon as she entered the house. Everyone was cleaning up, but something was definitely off. 

Natasha sighed. "I'm sorry." She said as soon as Wanda noticed that the master bedroom door was open. If Natasha said 'sorry'...

It could only mean one thing. 

"He knows." She said. Tears stung her eyes, and she thought she was done with crying. 

"I'm sorry." Natasha repeated.

"No more secrets." Wanda said abruptly. 

"You're going to tell them?" Natasha asked.

"Then I'm going to run into the woods outside and disappear for a while."  Wanda retorted. She wondered if Natasha thought she was joking. She walked into the remains of the living room, relatively in the centre. Everyone was staring at her. This was a lot harder than she expected. Before she could freeze up, Wanda blurted out, "I'm pregnant." While everyone stood agape, Wanda bolted out the door and into the growing darkness, ignoring her fatigue.

She was lost, soon enough, but what else was new?


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I haven't updated in so long! I've been having horrible writers block and school started several weeks ago. Again, I'm sorry!

A few weeks stretched into a month. 

Tony said that Pepper was having sone difficulty making arrangements for them, but he assured them it wouldn't be for much longer.

Wanda hated every minute of it, but it was getting a little easier. Well, perhaps easier wasn't the word. It still hurt like hell to wake up every day and see Vision's haunted eyes unable to leave her, to see her friends keep a few steps away from her because they were _scared_ of her. It hurt more than she could imagine. But ever day, she grew more used to it, and she was disgusted with herself that she could get used to this distant echo of a life.

Wanda slept in her room, what used to be her and Vision's room. Someone had made the bed while she was in the woods, a month ago. She'd never messed it up. She slept on top of the sheets and pretended the broken photo Vision dropped wasn't there on the floor. She'd neglected to pick it up, but she knew she'd never forget about it and trip over it.

* * *

Natasha thought Wanda was getting better. She still slept in her old room, which was something that was very toxic and doing the opposite of good, but Wanda seemed to be dealing with it. Natasha never missed how the others shrank back from Wanda, and she'd tried to talk to them about it, but nothing came out of it.

She was even listening to music now. Natasha remembered how once upon a time she used to listen to classic rock music, and though at the time Natasha had hated hearing it, now she'd give anything to hear Highway to Hell blaring through the speakers. She doubted Wanda was listening to that now, though. 

A small part of Natasha told her to stop using all of her energy on Wanda. She was tired all the time, mentally. But Wanda needed her, and if she could help, she would. 

About a week ago, Wanda had started getting morning sickness. It did nothing for her morale, to get up and retch all the time. On the other hand, she was remembering to shower a lot more often, so that was a plus.

Ugh, Natasha was starting to feel like a _mom_.

* * *

Wanda usually never left her room after she entered it. She never went downstairs for some food at midnight, never got up to use the washroom. She often felt like her room was a prison, but today she was feeling okay. Not at all good, but a little better, so she ambled down the stairs, only to stop halfway as she heard quiet conversation.

"-she's getting better, guys. Listening to music." That was Natasha. it was true. To be honest, she was listening to _indie_ music. _Indie pop_. Herself from a year ago would be outraged. Halsey, to be specific. After this whole ordeal was over (if it ever was), she'd hate this music. But it wasn't yet, and she cold endure her sweet torture with Halsey serenading her.

"She's still pretty distant." Steve pointed out.

"What do you expect?" Natasha retorted. "She can function on her own. Eat without being reminded, sometimes. Showers on her own. Big improvement." 

"Yeah, but-"

"Stop." Natasha cut whoever was speaking off. She could feel Natasha's anger radiating off of her, waves of hot rage. "She's doing better, and you'll not criticize her. She hasn't done anything bad lately. She's been controlling herself." Natasha paused. "And you guys don't think she notices that you never meet her eyes."

Silence.

Then, "I know nothing about this- but does anyone? But... shouldn't she be... healing?" It was Rhodey.

Sam spoke up. "Everyone deals with their grief in their own way, Rhodey."

Wanda stumbled into the living room, where most of them were gathered. "No." She said simply.

Everyone stared at her. "No... what?" Steve saud at last, looking awkward.

"Healing." She said. "Getting over it means letting him go." She clutched her stomach. "Even if I wanted to, I..." She trailed off. She swallowed down bile and tried to stifle the attack she knew was coming. She realized with a horrified start that there was energy surrounding her. She opened her mouth, then closed it, quickly retracting the energy. 

She'd been doing so _well_.

* * *

Wanda was just standing there, frozen, irises bright red. She was saying something, too quiet for anyone to hear. Her mouth was moving rapidly. Natasha cautiously stepped toward her, standing as close as she could without disturbing her.

The words were audible now.

" _And all the kids cry out, please stop, you're scaring me,_

_"I can't help this awful energy,_

_"Goddamn right, you should be scared of me,_

_"Who is in control?"_

Natasha huffed. "No more Halsey for you."

But the song fit Wanda so well. Maybe, hopefully, one day that would change.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't noticed, I started listening to Halsey. Also, this chapter was not edited at all.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that the updates have been so slow! This fic was only supposed to be around ten chapters, so be prepared for more time skips.
> 
> Also, shoutout to [scarletvisionforever](http://archiveofourown.org/users/scarletvisionforever/pseuds/scarletvisionforever) who drew fanart for this? (go check it out [here](http://agent-marvel-479.tumblr.com/post/130985511704/im-sorry-not-sorry-ever-since-i-read-dont)) I love you and everyone else who takes the time to read this!

Sometimes, if someone gets shot, wound heals over the bullet. They look fine on the outside, but in reality, there is a piece of metal lodged inside of them. 

Wanda was beginning to feel like that.

It had been ten weeks since she overheard the Avengers' conversation, late that night, and seven weeks since Pepper found them a nice place to stay, a secluded, big house in the middle of nowhere, Iowa. Tony wasn't too happy to be willingly disconnected from society for an indeterminate amount of time.

So they were finally out of her house, so Wanda thought it was the appropriate time to heal over her bullet. She began to talk a little more, started listening to a wider variety of music, even asked Pepper to help her with some new clothes. Clothes she needed since her abdomen was beginning to swell.

But on the inside, she was the same, if not worse.

She slept on her own, she'd claimed a room very far away from everyone else's, and she wasn't even sure it was a bedroom. She'd asked Jarvis (who f course had moved with them) if the room was soundproof. Thankfully, it was. So her nights were rarely filled with sleep. 

Wanda used to cry, that first week in the new place. She didn't cry anymore. She'd cried herself dry. She'd fallen into a pit of rage. Every few nights, she'd scream herself hoarse and hoped the soundproof walls were as reliable as the rest of Stark's tech. 

Mostly, she just curled up in a ball and internalized _everything_. If she hid her thoughts and feelings, maybe one day they'd go away for good, right?

Tonight, Wanda dreamed.

_She was on an open plain. Long grass was nearly flattened in the loud gusts of wind. She stared into the distance, knowing there was something out there she was meant to find. She strained her eyes until her head pounded, but nothing was there. She wanted to go forward, but her feet were rooted to the spot._

_Suddenly, a figure appeared in the distance. As it grew closer, she recognized the elegant golden cape, and from here, she could see his gleaming blue eyes._

_She tried to run toward him, but she was frozen. So she waited, every second stretching into a lifetime. She tried to call out to him, but her lips felt heavy._

_Finally, he arrived, his pristine cape billowing out behind him in the wind. "Hello, love." He said in a voice that was so entiely Vision she could cry. She found herself able to move again and threw her arms around him, face pressed against his chest._

_But something was off._

_The curve of his shoulders, it was off. He didn't smell like he should, like toast and campfires and warmth. She stepped back, and in his hauntingly familiar voice, he whispered, "Turn around, Wanda."_

_So she did._

_"Remember how you can alter reality?" He reminded her, placing his hands on her shoulders, and before her stood the Avengers, old and new._

_Steve stood at the head of the group, and it took Wanda a moment to notice his shield was cracked at his feet and he was covered in blood. She gasped._

_The others were much of the same. Natasha was torn and bruised, looking like she would fall over if an especially strong gust blew. Tony's suit was mangled and burned. He was still in the suit, and his face was looking just as burnt as the suit. Rhodey was in a similar condition._

_Thor couldn't pick up his hammer in his bloodied state and the Hulk lay, seemingly dead on the ground. Clint was in a pile at Natasha's feet, bow snapped a few feet away. Sam's wings were broken, and Sam moreso._

_She couldn't tear her eyes away. She stepped forward and asked, "Did... will I do this?"_

_A voice that was not Vision's replied, "Yes." She knew that voice. It haunted her nightmares._

_She turned around to see Thanos. He had the Infinity Gauntlet on him, and she cried out as if wounded when she saw the Mind Stone. She stumbled backwards in mute terror, forgetting about everything except the titan before her._

_She received a grim reminder when she tripped and fell onto Clint's body. She whimpered and dragged herself away, hyperaware of Thanos' eyes on her._

Wanda awoke.

She quickly showered, wanting to be rid of the cold sweat that was making her blankets stick to her. She stood in the shower until the water ran cold, and still she stood. The cold water seemed to cleanse her of her fears, at least temporarily. 

When there was a knock at the door, she quickly toweled off and got dressed. She opened the door to find Rhodey. "Natasha's, ah, got something to tell, so come out out when you're ready." He said.

She was mostly ready, dressed in jeans an a simple loose black t-shirt. She quickly brushed her hair and braided it. She couldn't remember the last time she cut it.

When she emerged from her room and padded down the halls on bare feet, she heard a jumble of voices. She tuned them out, not really wanting to hear everything.

The others were gathered in the kitchen. Natasha nodded in greeting and straightened her shoulders. "I've got bad news." She said. Wanda shivered, glimpses of her dream coming back to her. "You may know that Sam and Steve were going to find B- James Buchanan Barnes." She began gravely, staring around nervously.

"I- I thought he was dead." Tony said quietly.

Natasha frowned. "I... we didn't tell you." She paused, then said resolutely, "You all remember the Winter Soldier, right?"

Everyone nodded.

"James is the Winter Soldier." She said quickly. "You may remember him. Steve brought him here, I think three years ago, but he left again." She was talking very fast. Her words were blurring together. "And Sam and Steve didn't give up on him and the found him but Sam's injured and Bucky's injured and Steve... I don't know how Steve's coping."

Wanda saw true fear in Natasha's eyes, and she felt horrible for not caring enough but all she could see was Steve, bloody and haunted with his cracked shield at his feet. When Natasha had been telling them the news, had she always been stained red with blood? Suddenly Wanda didn't know what was real and she fell to the ground, wondering if it was her friends or Thanos watching her.

She began babbling, English bleeding into Sokovian. She hoped no one would come hear her, she was practically in a trance and she wasn't sure how she'd react to anyone.

She wasn't sure how long she sat, but when she regained awareness of the world around her, she was leaned against the wall of the kitchen, hugging her knees. She realized with a start Tony was in a similar position beside her.

"Hi." She said.

He grinned, but the smile didn't quite reach his eyes. "I'm probably the last person you want to talk to, huh."

"Eh." She grunted, not quite looking at him. It had been nearly five years and she was still rocky with Tony, since his bomb had killed her parents.

"I'm not going to try to defend myself." He said, and he seemed like he was only half talking to her. "I'm done making weapons, and I'm sorry I ever made them. I dunno where my tech goes. But I, I'm sorry." She was staring at him now, not with anger, not with any emotion. She knew her face was blank. He continued on, gulping. "Soon, Steve'll bring James Barnes back. And I'm glad he's getting his best friend back, I really am." His voice was hard, like he was trying to convince himself more than her. "But James Barnes is the Winter Soldier now, or he was, I don't know. And the Winter Soldier killed my parents, and from what I've heard there was brainwashing done and I don't think Barnes chose it but I don't know... I don't know." Tony sounded so very scared. 

Wanda smiled at him. 

It was a sad smile, sure, it was the first real smile since Thanos. Tony stood up, and Wanda stood up with him. She hugged him. "I- I had a dream." She blurted out, then bit her lip. Did he want to hear about her dream?

He nodded and sat down on one of the chairs. She followed suit and described her dream, voice surprisingly steady.

He pursed his lips. "Remember when, with Ultron, you gave us all visions?"

She nodded, suddenly afraid of where this conversation was going.

"That's what you showed me. Without Thanos, without the new Avengers, but..." he trailed off. At her horrified expression, he said, "No, no it's okay!" He tried to find the words to assure her. "It's, I'm just warning you, it won't go away for a while." He smiled again, but once again it didn't reach his eyes.

Wanda realized with a start that she was more like Tony that she'd ever imagined. On the outside he was a debonair, charismatic showman, but it was all just a facade. He had PTSD, he was an insomniac, and he cared for his team more than anyone really knew. He hid all his pain inside. He had nightmares.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, and the _for everything_ went unsaid. 

He stood up. "Listen, uh, I think we're going back to the tower soon, and if you ever can't sleep... I'm usually in my lab."

"Thank you." She said as he walked away.

Maybe, just _maybe_ , she was getting better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unexpected tony & wanda friendship. I love it.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly can't tell you guys how sorry I am for the long wait. I haven't got any substantial excuses except for the fact that I, against my better judgement, envisioned the end of the story and the beginning, but not how to get from one end to the other. I'm truly so, so sorry.

In the two months since her heart to heart with Tony, the two became friends. Not great friends, Wanda really wasn't ready for anything new in her situation, but Tony made it just a tiny bit better.

They'd also returned to the Avengers tower, finally. Wanda wasn't exactly happy about it. Now she was home, and everything reminded her of Vision. She was back to avoiding the synthezoid like the plague. 

She was getting better, bit by bit, but her progress was stunted greatly by the large swell of her abdomen. She wondered where she would be without these children. Probably in a better place. Still, no matter what they'd done to her, she couldn't make herself hate them, no matter how much easier it would be.

She still frequently had nights where it was all too much. Two steps forward, one step back, after all. 

On top of all that, she was exempt from all training and missions, leaving her with far too much time on her hands. At some point she'd taken up meditating with Bruce, which actually made a difference. She'd somewhat drifted away from Maria and Natasha, who were still endlessly worried about her, but she was doing better on her own.

In the two months since James Barnes had returned, no one saw much of Steve. It wasn't doing much for team morale. They were always locked up together, and James was unapproachable, so there was less training, no matter how much Natasha tried. It just wasn't the same

The New Avengers were down to Natasha, Sam, Rhodey, and Vision with Steve and Wanda gone, and it wasn't going well.

Soon, a mission came up that Wanda wasn't allowed to know the details of. It required of all Avengers that were physically fit, so everyone but Wanda. To sprinkle salt on the wound, Natasha decided she didn't want Wanda alone in the tower since Maria was going too, so she said that Wanda should go to the Barton farm. Wanda was not informed on where they were keeping James, but she wasn't sure she wanted to. Without Steve, James was volatile. The less she knew, she decided, the better. 

"I can't go to the farm." Wanda insisted when Natasha suggested it.

"And why not?" Natasha sighed, putting her hands on her hips. "I'd feel better if you weren't alone."

"Natasha. I can take care of myself." She snapped, narrowing her eyes.

"You can, but you won't." Natasha retorted. "But that's not the reason you won't go."

"Yes it is." Wanda defended herself weakly. 

Natasha snorted. "Tell me."

She sighed. She didn't really want to tell Natasha, or anyone. She wanted to stay at the tower, alone. She and her babies were safe from the outside world and the outside world was safe from her. So she stayed silent, staring Natasha down.

"Wanda, you know you can tell me anything." Natasha was getting frustrated. 

Wanda huffed and gave in. "I... I don't want to be around children." She explained. "It's not safe for them."

Natasha raised he eyebrows. "Wanda, you haven't done anything in months. You're okay. You won't hurt anyone. It'll be okay." She paused, and added, "I trust you. I've already spoken with Laura, and she does, too."

Wanda laughed wetly. "I don't believe you."

Natasha crossed her arms. "Wanda, shut the hell up. You're doing better, I know it, you know it, we all know it. You'll be fine around them. The kids miss you, they've said so themselves, and you're beating yourself up over things that won't happen."

"Might not happen." Wanda corrected, but she sensed she wasn't getting out of this. "Nothing's for sure."

" _I trust you_." Natasha repeated. "Now come on. You have to get ready and I have to go see Fury."

"Alright, alright." She groaned, waving Natasha away irritably. 

Wanda pawed through her stuff, picking out her clothes. She had a _lot_ of clothes; Pepper had gone out of her way to get maternity clothing. Since it was Pepper, it was nice. If Wanda had to waddle around with an oversized torso, at least Pepper mad sure she could do so with style. 

* * *

Wanda didn't get to say any goodbyes before Fury put her on a quinjet and shipped her to the farm. She was glad, though. Her emotions were a finicky thing during her pregnancy.

Laura, ever the perfect hostess, welcomed her with open arms. "The kids are all at school." She explained. "Why don't we get you settled in meanwhile?" Wanda thanked her and nodded gratefully, hauling her stuff upstairs. "No, no, let me do that." Laura insisted kindly. "I know how annoying it is." She, of course, was referring to the struggle of doing everyday things while being, well, pregnant. Wanda, thankfully, didn't bring much stuff, so she handed Laura one of her two bags and trudged up the stairs determinedly.

She remembered the guest room. It was painted a soft yellow that was easy on the eyes and it was simply furnished with a queen sized bed, wardrobe, nightstand, and rocking chair. It was a cozy and comforting room, if a room could be comforting. 

"Do you need me to help you unpack?" Laura asked.

Wanda shook her head. "No, thank you."

"I'll make some tea downstairs, okay? Come down when you're ready." 

Wanda began to slowly unpack her things. She was nervous, not only that she wasn't safe to be around the children, but that she hadn't been here in so long. Did they even still like her?

She joined Laura in the kitchen soon enough, fiddling with the material of her shirt. "So," Laura asked, "I'm assuming you've stopped with your training, so what've you been doing in your spare time?"

Wanda smiled to herself. Laura wasn't asking how she was or about the pregnancy or anything like that, all the topics she wanted to avoid. What had the earth done to deserve someone like Laura Barton? "I've been reading a lot." She answered easily. What she didn't say was that she read out loud, hearing somewhere that children in the womb could hear it. She'd read Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and was halfway through 1984. Perhaps 1984 wasn't the best novel to be reading her unborn children but she didn't much care.

"Is that all?" Laura pressed.

"Um." Wanda felt a little interrogated, but Laura had good intentions. "I meditate with Bruce a lot. Sometimes Tony lets me watch him work in his lab."

Laura smiled. "Good. We can't have you sitting around all day."

Laura was what Wanda could only describe as aggressively maternal, and maybe that was what she needed. "I haven't seen you in so long. What have you been up to?"

"We went to Italy in the summer." She replied happily. "We should've gone around now, though. December's so cold." 

Wanda didn't say out loud that this winter was mild compared that in Sokovia. "It's not so bad." She felt the need to defend this season. Everyone seemed to hate the cold in America. Not that anyone liked it in Sokovia, but they had reason to. These usuall milder winters were enjoyable. "The snow is fun."

Laura laughed. "Snow's amazing until you have to clean up puddles of water from some certain kids' dripping wet clothes." Suddenly, she looked at the time. "The kids' bus will be here in a few minutes. Do you want to wait outside with me?"

She agreed, and the two waited on the porch in the chilly weather. There was a thin layer of snow on the ground, and Wanda was tempted to jump into it, like she had when she was very young. But, she couldn't. 

She was torn from her thoughts by a loud cry of, "Auntie Wanda!" From Lila. Wanda grinned. She picked Lila up. 

"Hello, little one!" She greeted her. "You've gotten bigger!"

"Come inside, Cooper, Nate, remember to take off your boots before you go into the kitchen." Laura was in full mom-mode, fussing over the kids. It made Wanda wonder if she could ever have that, one day far, far into the future. 

"Is Aunt Wanda staying for Christmas?" Cooper asked, too old at twelve to say 'Auntie'. 

"That depends, honey." Laura replied, a little strained. Even Clint had been required to go on this mission, and it wasn't supposed to take longer than three weeks, but even that was pushing it. Would the children's father be back for Christmas? 

The kids, to Wanda's surprise, didn't ask about her swollen belly. Laura had probably talked to them about it prior to her arrival. 

"Lookit, Wanda!" Nate shouted. He was five years old and extremely energetic. "I made a picture at school." She took the drawing from him, and it was pretty good for a five year old. Maybe Nate would follow in Steve's footsteps and be an artist. 

The drawing was of all of the Avengers. Most of them were easily recognizable by their unique features: Thor's long blond hair, Tony's arc reactor, Steve's shield, Sam's wings, and more. She herself was drawn with red scribbles encasing her hands. "It's beautiful, Nate!" She proclaimed, grinning. 

The night progressed cheerfully. Wanda enjoyed the company of the Bartons more than she remembered. By the end of the night, she was almost as tired as the kids. She retired to her room after saying good night to Cooper, Lila, and Nate.

Sleep didn't come easily. It was hard to find a good position to sleep in what with her awkward shape. So as she tried to fall asleep, her thoughts drifted to the kids. She'd wondered if she could ever have this, but somehow it seemed implausible. Her children would not have a father and their lives would probably be dangerous, even if she kept them completely separated from the Avengers. Trouble would find them. 

It wasn't long before she fell into a fitful slumber. Her sleep, for the first time in she couldn't remember how long, was dreamless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY I'm starting the next chapters, so there'll probably be one per week. I'm trying to get better with my atrocious updating schedules, not just with this fic but with all of them.
> 
> Also, a few notes. After rereading and catching up with the timeline: I'm not sure if I put this in the fic anywhere, but I imagined the Thanos thing being some time in May, and she's around 7 months, so it's early December now.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's see how long I can keep up a consistent update schedule!

"Shh, she's sleeping, Nate, you shouldn't wake her up." Wanda tiredly heard someone she identified as Cooper hiss. They weren't very quiet, even through the door.

"I want to say bye before we go to school, though!" Nate whispered loudly.

"You're leaving in an hour, she'll wake up soon." Cooper reasoned. Wanda chuckled to herself. She wanted to stay in bed, she felt extremely tired, but it was time to get up. She shrugged off her pajamas and dressed quickly before emerging from her room. Nate and Cooper were gone now, so she shuffled downstairs, where Laura was making pancakes. They smelled delicious.

Suddenly, Wanda recalled when Vision used to make her pancakes, and would sometimes write stupid pickup lines on them in maple syrup. 

She pushed away the memory, not ready to deal with it so early in the morning.

"Morning, Wanda." Laura greeted her, smiling as always. 

"Morning, Laura." She replied, yawning. "I'd help you, but I'm a mess when it comes to cooking."

Laura laughed. "Well, I'll take your word for it." They lapsed into a companionable silence, waiting for the children to come downstairs. It didn't take long. The three kids were drawn in by the scent of food. 

It was delicious, not that any less was expected of Laura. 

Lila had just finished tying her hair up when they heard the crash.

Instinctively, Wanda got up and looked around. She was horrified to find some  _creatures_  filing in through a hole in the wall that they seem to have created. There were six of them, and they were disgusting looking. They were somewhat humanoid, but extremely short. They had wrinkly blue-purple skin, extremely similar to Thanos's.  _Thanos_. This was probably Thanos's doing. These things were coming after her- and Laura! And Cooper and Lila and Nate- they had no way to defend themselves. It was all up to Wanda. She hadn't been in combat for a few months, she had barely trained. She was out of practice. Could she defend them?

Wanda glanced back for half a moment. Laura was standing bravely in front of her children, backed into a corner of the kitchen. Wanda nodded at her, hoping she could offer them some sort of reassurance, but there was no time.

The creatures lunged into action. She was pretty much incapable of any physical combat, so she had to rely greatly on her powers. In her haste, all she could really do was hurl balls of energy at them. It would knock them back and weaken them, but it would take ages and ages to take them out like that. They had some sort of protection, so she couldn't see in their heads- yet another piece of evidence indicating these things were Thanos's. 

One took her by surprise, coming at her on her side, and she nearly fell back. At the last moment she lashed out with her fist, and it connected, sending it flying back. She was relieved she could still rely on her own strength if necessary.

Blow after blow she placed, but they were seemingly invincible. She didn't have any time to conjure up anything that could actually make a difference. There were six, and they were fast. 

She couldn't do this alone. 

Soon, she realized she was backed up against the wall, not far from Laura and the kids. With renewed determination, she threw up a shield around the Bartons, working harder now that she had to keep that up as well as everything else.

With the Bartons protected, Wanda could afford to stop for a moment. Well, not stop, but...

She dove through a small gap between the creatures to the other side of the room, granting herself a few seconds before they caught up with her. With these valuable few seconds, she summoned all of her remaining energy and with a sound like crackling, she expelled her pent-up power. The room went red, and then... Silence.

The creatures looked charred and injured. She, mustering whatever she had left, let out a weak burst of energy, but it was enough. They froze for a moment, and disintegrated. Wanda collapsed onto the ground, panting. 

Laura rushed up to her, gasping. "Are you all right?" She demanded, fretting. 

Wanda, in her exhausted haze mumbled, "I'm so, so sorry. This is my fault... My fault..."

She fell asleep, or perhaps blacked out.

* * *

"Wha'?" Wanda rasped. She was disoriented. Where was she? Why did she ache all over? 

"Mom!" A high voice cried. "She's awake!" Then, more quietly, "Wanda? How do you feel?"

It all rushed back. The creatures. The creatures  _she_ brought. She made a noncommittal noise, shifting in the soft bed.

Then, Laura's voice. "Not so loud, Lila." Pause. "Wanda, are you all right? Do you need anything?"

Wanda felt sick. She was exhausted. Laura shouldn't want her here, she was the one that brought on the creatures. It hurt to think about it. "Nnggh." She grunted, bringing herself into a sitting position. "How long was I out?"

Laura couldn't meet her eyes. "It's been hours. We're about to eat dinner."

"I'm sorry." She sighed, rubbing her eyes. "I didn't mean..."

"You did nothing wrong." Laura assured her in a voice reminiscent of Natasha.

Wanda smiled sadly. "I shouldn't stay. I am just putting you in more danger."

"No. We're all fine here, you'll stay." Laura asserted. But Wanda didn't miss the sliver of fear in her eyes, or the tremble in her hands. No matter how much little Lila tried to hide it, she was shaken. Wanda was a problem. 

"I have to  _go_." Wanda insisted. Why couldn't they understand? She was a mess and she attracted danger. She didn't deserve to be around them, and they didn't deserve the trouble she caused. Why didn't they  _see_? "Did you tell SHIELD yet?" She already knew the answer. If Laura had informed SHIELD, Wanda would be back home, leaving Laura and the kids safe.

Laura shook her head guiltily. Wanda searched for her phone. Laura sighed but didn't stop her.

Over the phone, Wanda reported to SHIELD the entire incident. It was heartbreaking to have Lila and Laura watching her sadly. She pretended she didn't see.

SHIELD was coming to get her in a quinjet. She packed silently. Every movement hurt, but she kept going, refusing help.

"I'm sorry, Laura." She whispered.

Laura replied, "Don't be." But there was no emotion behind it. Once again, she wanted to cry out,  _why don't you understand? I'll do nothing but cause problems here!_ But the words wouldn't come.

When the quinjet picked her up, she only said goodbye to little Nate, who was extremely afraid and didn't quite understand what was going on, but at the same time he did understand. Kids amazed her.

On the jet, a horrifying thought occurred to her.

She'd be a danger magnet around her children, too. By association, they'd be on constant danger, yet Wanda was too selfish to give them up.

What was she to do?

 


	14. Chapter 14

Three weeks.

Three weeks since the attack at the Bartons'. 

When she'd returned to SHIELD, she'd gone to medical, but they found nothing wrong with her or her children. She was extremely tired, but functional on the first day.

She slept for maybe an hour that night and woke up unable to move. It wasn't that everything hurt, not really. It  _did_ hurt, but that wasn't why she couldn't move. It felt like there was a giant pressure on her chest, trapping her beneath it, making her breaths come quick and painful.

Sometime during the first day, she was sure she'd pass out, but she never did.

It was like that for a week. Every day, the pressure was relieved, just a bit, until finally she broke free. Some agents had brought her food and water, and doctors had examined her thoroughly, but no one could identify the problem. She didn't see how they thought they could; it was beyond ordinary human sciences. She was just out of energy. Which was a lot more major for her than it was for anyone else, because she had a different type of energy streaming through her veins. 

When she finally got up on the first day of the second week, she felt fat and awkward. Side effect of pregnancy, she supposed. Still, it was annoying. She felt self-concious going anywhere because her walk was more like a waddle than anything else, and sometimes she had trouble standing up on her own. She never asked for help, though. She might have, if the Avengers were home. Her friends.

She wondered where they were. It was top secret, but she could find out if she really wanted to. 

She didn't.

It was painful to have to sit by while her friends fought without knowing what they were fighting, but it might just be worse knowing exactly how much danger they were in and not being able to do anything about it.

Now that she was alone, she was  _lonely_. She isolated herself even when her team mates were here, too, but she knew she could always go to them, that they were there.

But now all she had were the agents she pretended she didn't know we're shadowing her.

One week bedridden then two wandering alone through empty, echoing hallways. She felt like she was going mad.

Perhaps she already was.

A small part of Wanda felt like doing something productive. She couldn't cook, still never got the hang of it, but maybe she could clean? She had no idea. She hadn't had this much time completely alone in years.

She'd read all the books in her shelf. She was constantly buying new books. Books were her solace, sometimes. Sometimes they reminded her of something or someone that she just couldn't bear to think about, and then she'd have to hold herself back from throwing the book across the room. 

Romance books were not options. Even books with romantic subplots. Everything brought back memories of the life she used to have, the life before Thanos. 

So she stuck to books that were sci-fi or horror, usually. She liked Stephen King and Agatha Christie. One she'd read recently that she loved was The Martian by Andy Weir. Books gave her a few hour apart from reality.

Other than reading, she didn't have much to do. She wasn't a huge movie fan, and she'd watched all of her favourite shows too many times to gain anything new from them.

She was still tired, too. It made her legs feel like jelly using even a drop of her power. 

Every day, twice a day, Laura would call her. Every day, twice a day, Wanda pretended she didn't hear. The guilt was eating at her for not answering, but it was nothing compared to that when she led the monsters to Laura's household. It was unforgivable. Laura shouldn't want her near. 

Then again, she didn't really know what Laura wanted. She didn't answer her calls.

* * *

"Ms Maximoff?" An agent asked, standing a safe distance away. Since Thanos, it was always 'Ms' instead of 'Mrs'. Wanda was thankful.

"Yes?" She replied, pushing her hair out of her face.

The agent fiddled with her fingers. "I'm sorry to bother you, but Fury wants to speak with you."

"Alright." Wanda sighed, groaning internally. Whatever Fury had to say, it probably wasn't good. The agent walked with her to the director's office, but she was dismissed before Fury spoke.

"How are you, Ms Maximoff?" Fury asked, staring at her coolly. He wasn't as collected as he seemed. While it exhausted her to use her power consciously, she still _had_ her powers, and it was impossible to ignore the aura of anxiety coming off him in waves. She couldn't see any more than that without using up her energy.

"Same as always, sir." She answered warily. Something was definitely up. 

"Wanda, you know that the Avengers are out on a mission." He looked away. It wasn't that he was unable to meet her eyes, he just seemed lost in thought. 

"I know." She confirmed, narrowing her eyes. What was wrong? 

"Someone's been gravely injured."

"Who?"

Fury didn't answer right away. There was a tension in the room and it was nearly palpable. She stared him down, waiting for an answer. Finally, Fury said tonelessly, "Vision."

Wanda turned around and left without an answer.

* * *

Why did Fury have to tell her that? She'd be better off without that information. She didn't care about him. She didn't love Vision, at least this one. She felt awful even thinking it, but she wouldn't mind if he was gone. She'd been assured many times that there was no getting the old Vision yet, and this one only served as a reminder of it. 

She felt selfish. The world needed Vision, and she didn't even care if he died for her own reasons. She hated herself for it. She felt like throwing up.

Why did Fury have to tell her?

She didn't need to know. Her head was churning with emotions. The worst was yet to come. 

This had happened before. Sometimes Vision would get himself hurt, and she'd hear about it in passing, and there would be the feeling that was a cross between disgust and relief, then there would be the self-loathing. Then, late in the night, as she pretended sleep would come eventually, would come the concern. 

She'd feel a spark of love for him.

Maybe not love. Maybe she just cared too much.

But she'd be concerned for him, make herself ill with worry, and then she'd retch and when there was nothing left, she'd dry heave, and then she wouldn't leave her room all day because she hated her life, hated herself, just wanted it all gone.

Her only solace in those times were her children and even then, they weren't much of a solace. Not when she still knew who their father was and what had happened to him and what that did to her.

Hadn't she had enough?

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Book suggestion: Carry On by Rainbow Rowell. And Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell. Both. Both is good. I stayed up till two last night reading it and it was totally worth it. I'd have gotten this chapter out sooner, but I was reading all night.
> 
> Also this chapter is kind of filler? I think? Idk. I'm sorry it's so short. I don't really like this chapter. But. Anyway. Next chapter will be more exciting, I swear.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm so sorry I didn't have a chapter up last week. I wasn't feeling the best, mentally. And chapter 14 kinda sucked, sorry, but I'm trying to make up for it today!
> 
> Also: I know it's Valentine's Day, but unsurprisingly there won't be any sort of romance happening. Maybe I'll do a little one shot outside of this universe. Idk.

_** Two Months Later ** _

 

The avengers' mission was complete. Wanda was no longer alone, but she might as well have been. 

The mission's details were still top secret, and she knew very well that it was a need-to-know basis. But it would have been nice to know what had made her friends so... Hollow.

They came back in the middle of the night, and even if Wanda had been asleep, she'd have been awakened by the commotion. For about a week, the only ones who weren't locked in the med bay were Steve, Thor, and Bruce. She didn't dare approach them. Even Thor's jovial eyes had an edge of something dark.

Soon after came Natasha and Clint, then Maria and soon after Tony. Sam and Rhodey took two whole weeks to get out, and they were covered in bandages and splints for days after. 

Natasha spoke to her. She said, "I thought you'd still be at Laura's." Natasha's voice held an echo of sadness that wasn't there before. 

"Something happened." Wanda answered simply. "SHIELD took me back." 

Natasha didn't ask any more. She didn't speak much for a few weeks after they returned. No one did, really. It suited Wanda just fine.

* * *

She was in Tony's lab one night. It was closer to morning than midnight, but neither cared. He was silent and so was she.

Sleep evaded Wanda, which was becoming normal. For Tony, it had always been normal. She watched him tinker and fiddle with his gadgets and occasionally she had to toss him some tool or other. It mesmerized her, what he could create. She could do anything she wanted, but that was just the power forced upon her. Tony, he could make such advanced technology with pure skill. His way of creating things was pure talent. It was controlled and efficient. Hers was... Chaotic at best. 

Suddenly, Tony asked, "How do you deal with it?"

She frowned. "With what?" Her voice was raspy with unuse.

He shrugged. "Everything. The pain of it."

She laughed hollowly. "The pain of what?" There were so many things she'd lost, even more things she had to be guilty for. 

"Guilt, I think." He muttered. 

Wanda thought for a moment before answering, "Tony, I don't deal with it. That's how I got here."

"But you're still here." He argued. "You're doing something right. You're still living and sane."

She scoffed. "I think my sanity is up for debate."

They fell silent again. The only sound was the clink of metal and the two's quiet breaths. Suddenly, Tony asked, "Do you think that they'll help? When they're born?"

Wanda didn't have to ask to know he was referring to her children. "I don't... I hope so. I don't know."

He sighed. "I wonder what would have happened if..." He trailed off, unable to form the words.

She understood. If none of  _this_ had happened: HYDRA, the Chitauri, Ultron, all of it. What if they got to be normal people? What if they could be okay? "I think the world would have been boring." She answered thoughtfully.

"Boring is safe." He said.

"Boring is better." She murmured. 

Silence blanketed the workshop once again, until a burst of pain flared through Wanda. She gasped, clutching her swollen abdomen. 

Tony turned to her. "Are you okay?" 

She raised an eyebrow. "Um. I think they're coming." On the inside, panic was running rampant, eating away at her mind. On the outside, she felt calmer than should have been possible. 

Tony's eyes grew comically wide. "You should go to... The med bay? I think?" Wanda did have an obstetrician here. She should call her. 

"Do you have a phone down here?" She asked, tapping her fingers. He nodded and handed her his phone with slightly shaky hands. She dialled her doctor and informed her of the situation. The doctor seemed a lot more panicked than Wanda felt.

"I have to go to the med bay." Wanda said to Tony, but made no effort to move.

"What's wrong?" He asked. Since the avengers returned, Tony had had almost none of his usual debonair self. Now, she was thankful for it.

She shrugged. "I don't know, Tony. This has just been... A huge part of my life. For months. And now... It's over? What happens after? I raise my children. Where? Here? Can I save them from this life?" She shook her head. "Tony, I don't know what to do."

He smiled sadly. "Wanda, we'll all help you. You know that."

She sighed. Did she know that? She felt so alone all the time. "I better go." She glanced over her shoulder as she left. "I guess I can't be sure how long I'll be in there. So, bye."

"Bye, Wanda." He looked at her and cracked a smile. "If you need any names, I suggest Tony Jr."

She snorted. "I've already got some picked out, Stark. No need."

"Wanda walked slowly to the med bay, wondering what lay ahead.

* * *

 

Labour was without question the most physical pain Wanda had ever experienced.

She begged for some sort of pain relief, but the doctor said no. "We need you completely in control." She explained. "You're already under a lot of strain. You need to be able to keep your powers in check."

Wanda understood, but that didn't make it hurt any less. She kept reminding herself that soon, she'd have her twins, and this pain would be over soon, but it didn't help much.

Soon, Natasha came and sat with her. She held her hand, since there was no one else to do it.

It felt like it was never going to end, but soon, she'd have her twins, and maybe something like normality.

* * *

 "Hill, you know we have to do this." Fury snarled. 

"Sir, we don't-"

"Hill! Thanos came back for us. He asked for Wanda. He asked about Wanda's children. Her children aren't safe around here, or around her." He narrowed his eyes at Maria, daring her to challenge him.

"You're right, sir, but what will it do to her?" Maria felt awful, but her voice was strong and confident. "We'll have to deal with the fallout. She can't take much more, and you know that."

"I've already got two couples who are willing to take them in." He completely ignored Maria's statement.

"You're  _splitting them up_?"

"You've gone soft, Hill."

"Goodbye, sir." She said stiffly. "If Wanda's still sane enough to come after you after this, no one's going to stop her."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Give me your feedback! Thanks for sticking with me this far. I know I'm atrocious at updating. But, here we are, second last chapter.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHOO! Last chapter! I can't thank you all enough for staying with me this long. I know I'm bad at updating. I love you all, and enjoy!

Wanda held her arms out, unable to tear her gaze from her children. Her twins, her sons. Finally, they were here. Was there any way she could hold both of them? The doctor handed her one. He was so, so small. He was crying, Wanda realized; she ran her fingers gently over his smooth skin, effectively calming him. She wiped a tear from her face.

"Have you gotten any names chosen?" Natasha asked softly, smiling.

"William and Thomas." She paused and smiled fondly. "My Billy and Tommy." She was trying to memorize every detail of this child's,  _her_ child's face. "This one is William." She decided. 

"Can... Can I hold him?" Natasha asked hesitantly. She glanced down at her hands for a moment, as if she didn't trust herself with the baby.

"Of course." Wanda sighed, placing a gentle kiss on Billy's little hand before Natasha took over. The doctor held the other twin, and Wanda took him in her arms. "Thomas. My Tommy." He already had a little bit of hair, which was, to her surprise, white. Like Pietro. Wanda gasped quietly and ran her fingers through the pale white wisps. It was bittersweet. Her brother would live on in Tommy.

Tommy was silent, to Wanda's astonishment. He didn't cry or whine. He was completely still, and Wanda would have worried he was dead if not for his beating heart.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. It was Maria. "Natasha? I need to speak with you." Her voice was a little shaky, but Wanda didn't notice. Nothing could be wrong, not now. She hadn't been this happy in nearly a year. It was hard to imagine being sad with her children with her.

* * *

 "Aren't people supposed to stay in the hospital after they give birth? For a night or two?" Natasha demanded. "Can't she have a goddamn night with her children?" She was directing her anger at Maria, but it was Fury that Natasha was angry at. How could he do this? No one in the tower was happy, probably wouldn't be for a long time, but no matter the circumstances that Wanda's children were created in, everyone could do with something good happening. She'd be lying if she said she wasn't excited for the twins to be born, and the same went for almost everyone in the tower.

"Yeah, she has a day." Maria replied. "Tomorrow morning, Fury said, they're being brought to the adoptive parents' homes."

"She has a day." Natasha murmured. "When are we going to tell her?"

Maria sighed. "I don't know. I don't know how she'll react." She looked away from Natasha. "She could react violently."

"Someone will sedate her, then." Natasha muttered. "Maria, if we quit SHIELD right now, we wouldn't have to do this."

Maria laughed falsely. "Two weeks notice, Nattie."

"Ha. They wouldn't let us out easily." But they both knew it wasn't possible; SHIELD wasn't a place you could just quit and be done with. Working there was a lifestyle.

They lapsed into silence before Maria asked, "What did she name them?"

Natasha smiled. "Two boys. William and Thomas. Billy and Tommy."

"Good names." Maria whispered. Natasha wrapped her arms around her. "I'm sorry." She said, not really to Maria, but to anyone who would listen. "I'm so, so, sorry."

* * *

"You've got to stay here for the night." The doctor informed her. 

"Alright." Wanda agreed easily. She didn't mind staying in the hospital. She had her children, after all. What could go wrong?"

Through the next few hours, the other avengers visited her. They didn't get to hold the twins; Wanda didn't think they'd like being passed around much.

For all the worries she'd confessed to Tony early in the morning, it didn't seem to matter then. Soon, she'd have to deal with how she was going to raise them with this lifestyle, soon, all of her friends would have time to spoil and hold and coddle her children. None of it mattered. She had all the time in the world.

By the end of the day, the doctors took her twins away for testing. She didn't mind much, she was exhausted. She soon drifted off to sleep, and she slept for  _twelve hours_. No nightmares, either. Could it get any better?

* * *

When Wanda awoke, Tony was there. He looked like he hadn't slept in ages; he probably hadn't. He noticed she was awake, and started talking. 

"So, Wanda. I noticed you didn't really have any furniture or rooms or anything planned out and that's not your fault, I know you've had a lot on your mind, but I got started on it! So I'm wondering: I've already got these cribs planned out, they've got- well, I'll tell you about that later, but do you want them in your room or in a room connecting to yours or what? I have some ideas-"

His rambling was cut off. Maria opened the door a crack.

"Can I come in?"

Wanda said yes, and suddenly she was reminded of when Maria pulled Natasha into the hall the previous day. What did she want? What was wrong?

"I have some bad news." Maria sighed. "Do you want Tony to-"

"He's fine here." She didn't know what Maria was going to say, but she didn't want to be alone for it.

Maria hesitated, and reluctantly began: informed her: "Fury doesn't want you to keep the children. He's arranged for two couples to adopt them. They're leaving in a few hours."

"So I only have a few hours?" Wanda whispered. "I have to give my babies away?" Her voice cracked. She tensed up. "Why?"

Maria closed her eyes. "Fury says... That the children won't be safe around you, or us." 

Wanda's mouth became a thin line. "Did he say that we wouldn't be safe around them? He seems like he will be more concerned with Thanos coming for them, more than me, more than them." She shook her head. "I was going to be happy, Maria."

Maria thought that Wanda seemed calm. Unusually calm. The phrase  _the calm before the storm_ occurred to her, but she brushed away the thought. She ought to be worried about Wanda now, not what she would inevitably end up doing. She said, "If I could stop it, Wanda, believe me, I would."

The three fell silent, tension palpable in the air. Eventually, Wanda called for a nurse to bring her the twins. She cradled her sons, murmuring sweet nothings that they could not understand.

The hours passed by quickly. Wanda pushed the grim fact of her sons' departure to the back of her mind, savouring her time with them.

"You're going to be great," Wanda whispered to them. "You'll change the world as we know it."

Noon came around, and she began flinching every time she heard footsteps, terrified it would be Fury. Every time the footfalls faded away, she'd sigh in relief, eternally grateful for just one more moment with her sons.

* * *

When Fury entered, he threw the door open with a bang.

"Shh," Wanda whispered. "They're sleeping." Then, she noticed who it was. Her heart sank in her chest.

Until then, she hadn't really realized the reality of it. She knew that her children would be taken away, but even with only hours, it had seemed so far away. Now, though, Fury was  _here_ and he was going to take them from her, forever.

"Will they get to keep their names?" She asked quietly. "Will they keep at least that?"

Fury nodded silently. A nurse came to take the twins, but Wanda shrank back. Almost instinctively she readied her powers, held them just beneath the tips of her fingers, scarlet blazing in her heart.

The nurse was saying something, but Wanda wasn't listening. Her heart thudded in her chest. She realized with dread that if she were to fight back, she'd likely hurt her children. And anyway, she didn't want her children to be afraid of her. FInally, feeling as if she were possessed, she handed her twins to the nurse, whose face was morose.

"Get dressed," Fury commanded, "if you want to see them out." 

She operated mechanically. Natasha had brought her clothes, apparently, or perhaps it was Maria? Her mind was void of thoughts, thankfully. She could deal with this pain after her sons left; she felt a pressing need to impress their parents. Maybe somewhere deep inside she held onto a fleeting hope that she'd be permitted to see them still. Hope was bad. It meant she'd just feel worse afterwards.

Wanda was introduced to the new parents. Apparently they were separating them, but she couldn't afford to get angry. Not in from of the parents, not in front of the children. The Kaplans seemed nice, as did the Shepherds. Her children would be in good hands, but the new parents would never, could never love them as much as Wanda did.

Soon, they left. The Kaplans and Shepherds were contractually obligated to never, ever speak of this. In fact, Wanda wondered why they hadn't conducted this... this  _transfer_ somewhere else safer.

Wanda Fury saw them out, going with them to the lobby of the compound. Wanda had wanted to see her children as much as possible and Fury most likely just wanted to make sure Wanda didn't do anything rash.

Finally, they were gone.

* * *

Where was she? Hallways blurred around her.  _Mindless running, running, running away, far far away, back to a home that didn't exist._ _Beads of sweat formed on her brow. Running, running, running away from her mind, running until there was nothing else._

* * *

Finally, she slowed to a stop, unable to bring herself forward another step. Exhaustion numbed her thoughts. Each movement was laden with lead. She slid down the wall and slumped on the floor, her heavy breathing and quick heartbeat the only audible sounds. 

After she caught her breath and the world came back into focus, she looked around. She was in a gray, stuffy hallway. Underground. She'd really run far, she thought distantly. 

There was a door a few feet away on the other side of the drab hall. It was darker gray than the walls with a little window at the top. She didn't bother looking in. It didn't really matter.

Suddenly, someone pushed open the door.

Time slowed down. She felt as if she were outside of her body, trapped in a surreal nightmare.

 _Vision_ was inside the room.

She remembered clearly the day that Fury called her into his office to tell her that Vision had been gravely injured. Since then, she hadn't seen him, not once. She'd managed to forget about it. Out of sight, out of mind, right? But there'd always been a knot of worry deep in the pit of her stomach, resurfacing whenever her thoughts strayed too far.

She looked into the room. She saw Helen Cho crouched over the synthezoid. When the geneticist stood up, Wanda knew the face that she saw would haunt her dreams for ages to come.

A small portion of his face was intact: his right cheekbone, half of his right eye, a bit of his forehead. 

Some of the face was a mix of crimson flesh dotted with wires and lights. 

The rest was a matrix of charred circuit boards and blackened flesh. She couldn't bring herself to look at the rest of his body.

The worst, though, the worst were his  _eyes._ While one half of his right eye was still okay, the other part was a dull, dark blue, nearly back, scattered with little red-rimmed pockmarks. The other eye had whole chunks burned out. 

Wanda was thankful when the door swung closed again. Though her energy was depleted to nothing, she found the strength to run, but the image would not be erased that easily.

_Running, running, running to make the thought go away, to make it disappear, running with no destination except this: freedom. Escape._

* * *

Wanda laughs. She is holding her son Billy, while her husband, Vision, holds Billy's twin Tommy. They've just woken up, crying out, but they are soon soothed in their parents' loving arms. They are so, so happy.

Wanda glances at the empty cribs, blankets bunched up and messy. It doesn't matter now. All that matters now is the sunlight flooding in through the panelled windows, highlighting Tommy's white hair and making Billy's dark locks shine.

Vision smiles and kisses her, complimenting her, even though she's just woken up and she's looking her worst. She returns the compliment. The air is filled with love.

* * *

* * *

_Wanda wakes up._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit: for some reason I put Altman instead of Kaplan and didn't catch it???? Fixed now, I think? Please tell me I missed any.
> 
> I'M SO SO SORRY 
> 
> Anyway. There's gonna be a sequel up between two weeks and a month from now. I've got most of it planned out, so hopefully the waits between chapters won't be long. 
> 
> Thank you all for reading and sticking with me this far, what with my bad updating. I can't even begin to describe my gratitude.
> 
> I'd like to specially thank earthquakegirl and lady_violet, some of the frequent commenters (thank you all of you who've commented!), whose comments helped me to push through my writer's block, and scarletvisionforever who did an art, something which I'll always be grateful for. And the rest of you who have read, commented, and kudos'd, because without you this fic probably wouldn't have gotten past chapter three. I know I'm getting repetitive, but this whole series is my pride and joy and it warms my heart that people are reading it. THANK YOU!!


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